Tighten Up! Omit Needless Words & Phrases from your Writing

 

Many writers, beginning and experienced, often inflate their sentences with unnecessary words, but strong writing is not complicated or wordy writing. Good writing is tight, concise, and to the point. Inflating your writing with superfluous words will lead to confusion in not only your sentences, but can also lead to a confusing message in your essay. Read on to learn how to tighten your writing and improve your sentences.

Eliminate Wordy Phrases

One of the easiest fixes to tighten your writing is to eliminate wordy phrases. Read over your essay to see if a wordy phrase can be reduced to a word or two without changing the meaning:

At the present time  Today our business has no deficit.

The end result is tragic if a patient is not treated swiftly.

The final outcome will be difficult to determine.

Because of the fact that NASA has cut funding, the space missions are in jeopardy.

 

Eliminate Empty or Meaningless Words

Read each sentence carefully to locate words that offer no essential information to a sentence. Some of the most common empty words in student essays are very, really, and definitely.

They were really trying hard to get the bill passed.

The paper was very interesting. 

The research definitely shows that meditation reduces stress.

If you find you use very or really a little too frequently, it’s often a sign that the sentence needs to be rewritten with stronger language. Note the changes in the revised sentence below:

They were struggling to get the bill passed.

The paper was fascinating.

The research confirms that meditation reduces stress.

 

Omit “It is” Constructions

One of the most common sentence constructions found in student writing is beginning a sentence with “It is” or “There are,” both of which create a subject-less, and often confusing, sentence. Look at the sentences below and consider what the “it is” might be referring to:

It is possible that the cause of her headaches is stress.

Revised: The cause of her headaches is stress.

It is worth pointing out that both governors were incorrect.

Revised: Note that both governors were incorrect.

It is clear that research supports his findings.

Revised: Clearly the research supports his findings.

It is often the case that initial experiments fail to prove anything.

Revised: Often initial experiments fail to prove anything.

 

Tighten sentences beginning with “There are” to clarify meaning and improve style by locating the real subject of the sentence. Below, the real subject of the sentences is underlined:

There are numerous reports of widespread corruption.

Revised: Numerous reports suggest widespread corruption.

There are only two questions left to answer.

Two questions are left to answer.

There are numerous studies that show the opposite is true.

Numerous studies show the opposite is true.

 

Before you turn in your final draft, take some time to work on eliminating any redundant, excessive, or unnecessary words or language from your sentences. Your ideas will communicate more clearly, writing will flow more smoothly, which means your ideas will be taken more seriously.

The Mod Squad: How to Banish Misplaced Modifiers

A modifier is a word, phrase, or clause that offers a description or identifying details of another word in a sentence. A modifier should always be placed by the word it modifies. Let’s look at some examples below to see what happens when modifiers are misplaced.

The waitress received a large tip with a smile.

The previous sentence is an example of a misplaced modifier. A misplaced modifier often causes confusion for the reader. The modifying phrase in this example, “with a smile” modifies “The waitress,” not “a large tip,” so the modifying phrase should be placed next to the word or phrase it modifies to clarify the meaning:

With a smile, the waitress received a large tip.

Sometimes, a misplaced modifier is not only confusing, but can create a ridiculous sentence, as in the examples below:

The children ate the candy they had purchased slowly.

The word “slowly” is modifying “purchased” in the sentence. So it sounds like the children had purchased the candy slowly! What the writer really means is the children were eating the candy slowly.

The children slowly ate the candy they had purchased.

 

The sentence below also sounds a bit confusing, and quite awkward:

The school children saw a fence behind the school made of barbed wire.

Because the modifying phrase, “made of barbed wire” is directly after “the school,” it sounds like the school was made of barbed wire!

The school children saw a fence made of barbed wire behind the school.

 

In some cases, a modifier is sandwiched next to two words that could possibly be modified, creating an ambiguous meaning.

Jason told Alex immediately to call his mother.

Did Jason tell Alex immediately? OR was Alex to call immediately? We don’t know, so the sentence needs revising to clarify:

Jason told Alex to call his mother immediately.

Now it’s clear that Alex is to call immediately.

If the writer meant that Jason told Alex immediately, the sentence would look like this:

Jason immediately told Alex to call his mother.

 

Misplaced modifiers become more complicated when modifying phrases or clauses are placed between main sentence elements, as in the example below:

The cost of attending college, because of inflation and reduced federal support, has risen sharply in recent years.

This sentence is a bit awkward, as the modifying phrase is longer and more complicated. The sentence can be clarified by moving the modifying phrase to the end:

The cost of attending college has risen sharply in recent years because of inflation and reduced federal support.

The example below is also a bit awkward with the modifying phrase in between the subject and predicate:

Anthony could have, if he had not been arrested, played in the championship game.

In this example, moving the modifying phrase to the beginning helps to clarify the sentence:

If he had not been arrested, Anthony could have played in the championship game.

As you can see, misplaced modifiers can not only cause confusion for the reader, but can also sound quite ridiculous! Carefully read your sentences to make sure your sentences are clear and free of misplaced modifiers.

Now you try!

Can you identify the problems below? Reword the following sentences to correct misplaced modifiers.

• Emma Sue was delighted when Mr. Nguyen returned her perfect calculus test with an ear-to-ear grin. 

• Attached to the email, Charlotte sent her boyfriend Byron another photographic self-portrait with eerie red eyes. 

• While Marina’s tail flopped against the wood, which was long, scaly, and metallic blue, she asked poor Tommy the reason for his pain. 

 

(exercises from http://www.chompchomp.com/modifiers01/modifiers01.01.htm)

Identifying Phrases and Clauses

Learning the basic rules of sentence construction will help you identify the parts of a sentence that make up the whole. This will help you to avoid punctuation errors like comma splices, as well as give you the knowledge to create more complicated sentence structures, which will improve the style of your writing.

Phrases

A phrase is a group of words that form a single unit in a sentence, but do not include a subject, or a verb, or both. Since a phrase does not have a subject and/or verb, it does not form a complete idea or thought. Since a phrase does not contain a subject or verb, it cannot stand alone as a sentence, and is considered a fragment.

Examples of phrases:

• closing the door
• under the tree
• because of his illness
• running past the gate

In the previous examples, you’ll see nouns (door, tree, illness, gate) and verbals – or forms of a verb (closing, running) – but the nouns are not functioning as the subject of a sentence, and the verbals have no subject performing the action.

Types of Phrases:

• Noun: his brand new bike; the stinky old cat
• Prepositional: over the wall; in the bedroom
• Verb: will be done; can swim
• Verbal: There are 3 types of verbal phrases: participial, gerund, and infinitive.
  Participial: The pond, frozen over since early December, is now safe for ice-skating.
  Gerund: Cramming for tests is not a good study strategy.
  Infinitive: My goal is to be a teacher.
  Absolute: I stood on the dock, the lake breeze chilling me to the bone.
  Appositive: The book, a 600-page biography, received great reviews.

Clauses

A clause is a group of words that contain a subject and a predicate. A predicate is a word or phrase that describes the action or state of the subject. Predicates always includes verbs.

Unlike a phrase, a clause can be a complete sentence – if it has a subject and a predicate. This type of clause is called an independent clause, as it can stand alone independently, with no other words or phrases needed to make it a complete sentence.

Examples of independent clauses:

• Fried green tomatoes are popular in the South.
• The door remained closed.
• The car sounded noisy.
• I stood on the shore.

Unlike an independent clause, a dependent clause cannot stand alone as a sentence, even though it has a subject and a verb. A dependent clause is dependent on an independent clause as part of either the subject or the predicate.

Examples of dependent clauses:

• while the wind was blowing.
• which I made by hand.
• although the room was cold.
• because the pool was deep.

These examples begin with subordinate conjunctions – while, which, although, because – so do not form a complete thought. When we see subordinate conjunctions at the beginning of sentences, we expect extra information to complete the thought. These dependent clauses require other words to make a complete sentence.

Troubleshooting

Recognizing phrases and clauses will help you to avoid comma splices, fragments and run-on sentences. Look at the sentences below and identify which are complete sentences, and which are incomplete sentences. Can you identify the phrases and clauses?

1. Driving across town in rush hour traffic.
2. My head pounding.
3. I answered the door.
4. Talking on a cell phone in a restaurant.
5. Call the babysitter.
6. Because he wanted to.
7. I stood silently.
8. In the darkest corner of the room.
9. To go to bed after midnight.
10. Loud singing from the back of the room.

All About Semi-Colons

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DON’T BE AFRAID TO USE A SEMI COLON!

Semi-colons are arguably the most misused punctuation in writing; they can be quite confusing.

Do you know why a semi-colon is used in the first sentence? It is separating two independent clauses, or complete sentences. A semi-colon creates a full stop in a sentence, unlike a comma, which is used as a pause.

When it comes to using semi colons in writing, most errors are made when the writer fails to understand the difference between an independent and dependent clause. The name of each clause offers clues to their uses. Once you understand clauses, semi colons are a snap.

Let’s review:

INDEPENDENT CLAUSES         

Independent clauses, or main clauses, can stand alone as a sentence. They will always include a subject and a verb:

The window is open.

 James plays the guitar.

 The dog barked. 

I went to the gym.

Even a short three-word sentence can be an independent clause if it contains a subject and verb, as the examples do above. Don’t be fooled by the length of a sentence, but consider, is it a complete thought?

DEPENDENT CLAUSES

Dependent clauses cannot stand alone as a sentence. They are dependent on other words to complete a sentence.

When James plays the guitar.

If the window is open.

Beginning with the files.  

These examples are dependent clauses. They are not complete thoughts and need more information in the sentence for them to make sense.

When James plays the guitar, it reminds me of Jimi Hendrix.

If the window is open, flies will get in.

It’s time to organize the office, beginning with the files.  

Now each of those dependent clauses makes sense, as we added independent clauses to complete the thought.

Below the dependent clause is italicized:

Because the window is open, the room feels cold.

I’d love to go to dinner, although I’m not dressed appropriately.

When you fix the tire, we’ll ride our bikes around the block.

USING SEMI-COLONS WITH INDEPENDENT CLAUSES

Semi-colons are used to separate two independent clauses when the ideas of the two clauses are closely related.

Don’t drink and drive; you could lose your license.

The dog escaped from his pen; I hope I find him soon.

Dinner was a great success; everything turned out perfect.

In the above examples, the second independent clause is closely related to the first part of the sentence, so keeping them “linked” with a semi colon makes sense.

You cannot separate two independent clauses with a comma, or you would create a comma splice, which is incorrect punctuation and will always be marked as an error. However, you could use a period, creating two sentences.

Wrong: Dinner was a great success, everything turned out perfect.

Correct: Dinner was a great success. Everything turned out perfect.

Correct: Don’t drink and drive. You could lose your license.

Correct:  Don’t drink and drive because you could lose your license.

How to Determine When to Use a Period or Semi Colon

If both a period and a semi colon would be correct punctuation, how do you know which to use in different situations?

As stated earlier, the rule for a semi colon is you can use it if the second clause is closely related to the first clause. In many cases, using a period may sound okay, and not really affect the flow of the sentence. However, if you had several short sentences and you used periods to separate each one, the sentences become choppy and tedious to read. Read the paragraph below and see how it sounds with all periods:

Dinner was a great success. Everything turned out perfect. The steaks were tender. Mine almost melted in my mouth. I wish Mom could have come. She wasn’t feeling well. I hope it’s nothing serious.

Notice that it reads a bit like a galloping horse, plodding. This becomes quite boring to read after a while. Partly this is due to the repetitive subject-verb-object construction, but some of it could be alleviated with the use of a semi colon or two. See if you can tell a difference:

Dinner was a great success; everything turned out perfect. The steaks were tender. Mine almost melted in my mouth. I wish Mom could have come; she wasn’t feeling well. I hope it’s nothing serious.

Did you notice you took less of a pause when you got to the semi colons in the second example?

USING SEMI-COLONS FOR ITEMS IN A SERIES

Most often, commas are used to separate items in a series. Sometimes though, the items themselves contain commas, so using a semi-colon to separate the items makes the sentence clearer and easier to read.

I bought shiny, ripe apples; small, sweet, juicy grapes; and firm, Anjou pears.

I have been to Montana, Wyoming, and Oregon in the North; Texas, Arkansas, and Mississippi in the South; and New York, Connecticut, and Maine in the North East.

The newest additions to the cast are Josey Wales, who will play Will Davis; Deborah Farr, who will play his wife; and Tom Duffy, Farr’s young love interest.

Using semi-colons to separate the items above prevents confusion that might come from an abundance of commas.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Take care not to use a semi-colon too often. Any punctuation, if used too often, can become distracting. Sometimes it is simply a matter of judgement when and where to use semi colons. If you do incorporate them into your writing, use them sparingly and make sure you are using them correctly.

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 EXERCISE

A semicolon belongs in each of the following sentences. Determine where the semicolon belongs. Then select the word that comes just before the semicolon.

 

1. It is raining outside I will bring my umbrella with me.

raining

outside

umbrella

 

——————————————————————————–

2. There is a lot of financial aid around you just have to know where to look for it.

lot

aid

around
_______________________________________________

 

3. It’s such a beautiful day I will walk in Memorial Park.

beautiful

day

walk

——————————————————————————–

4. We will play tennis tomorrow then we will go out for dinner.

play

tennis

tomorrow

 

——————————————————————————–

5. She had very high grades in high school she applied to Harvard University.

grades

school

applied

 

[Some examples and exercises from The St. Martins’ Handbook and OWL Online Writing Lab.]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is that a Word?

Although I am the last person you’ll find speaking formal, or “proper,” English, I probably do spend more time thinking about grammar and punctuation than the average person. Even though I speak what is considered slang or conversational English, as someone with a background in English, I admit I sometimes notice other people’s mispronunciations. Interspersing slang or colloquialisms in our conversations is a matter of preference and personality. Using made-up words in writing or speech, however, is an error, and that’s different.  Read on to see if you’re guilty of using words that aren’t really words.

Common Errors

“He supposably ended their engagement.”

This is one of the most common errors I hear in speech, and it often transfers to writing because it’s so darn common. It’s an error because supposably is not, has never been, a word. It’s supposedly.

 

“I am quitting my job irregardless of the consequences.”

This might be the second most common error, after supposably. Irregardless is not a word either. It’s regardless, which means “irrespective” or “nevertheless.” It could have started from the related meaning to “irrespective,” but that’s a guess.

 

“For all intensive purposes, I think my political views are the same as yours.”

This use is so common in speech that it has worked its way into written English. But it’s still an error. The correct phrase is “for all intents and purposes,” which translates to “for all practical purposes.”

Interestingly, the origin comes from King Henry VIII in 1546. The first recorded use was in an Act of Parliament, which reads, “to all intents, constructions, and purposes.”

 

“I will do my upmost to help support the president.”

This one is a bit tricky. In this example, “upmost” is describing the degree or quality that this person hopes to support the president. It should say, “I will do my utmost to help support the president.”

Though “upmost” is a word in British and some English dictionaries, it’s used as a shortened version of “uppermost,” an adjective meaning “highest” or “top,” as in, “We are on the upmost floor of the building.” However, according to many grammarians, this is an old, archaic word that is only now used when the writer actually means utmost.

Not So Common Errors

“I pulled out the letters from my chester drawers.”

I recently read a student’s narrative essay that described his room’s “chester drawers.” This is one of those errors that we translate from spoken to written word, though even saying “chester drawers” will raise eyebrows in certain circles. It’s chest of drawers, which makes a lot more sense.

 

“I was hired to type, file, answer phones, excetera.”

This is a word that worked its way in to written form from mispronounced speech. The correct use is et cetera, which is Latin for “and” (et) “the rest” (cetera). The abbreviated version – etc. – is often used in academic essays, but many instructors will request you to omit its use when possible. If you are writing out a list of 3 or 4 items and feel “etc.” is needed, it most likely isn’t. Just write out all the items instead.

 

“I have two expressos every morning.”

Okay, I admit I’ve pronounced it with an “x” forever, but I don’t drink it, so no barista has ever corrected me. However, I’ve seen it infiltrating writing, so we have to stop. It should be, “I have two espressos every morning.” Most people, like me, pronounce it with a hard “x” – EXpresso, but it should be an “s” – espresso. But I’ll bet you coffee aficionados knew that.

 

Final Thoughts

It’s shocking how quickly erroneous speech patterns can begin to creep into our written phrases. Even though we speak imperfectly, most serious writers agree on correct and preferred forms of a word. Carefully consider if your usage and spelling are correct before you turn in your final essay. You’ll undoubtably – I mean undoubtedly – have a better final paper!

 

Secrets to Effective Dialogue

Last week here at Writing Center Underground, we discussed how to format written dialogue for your narrative essay. This week, we’ll look at the qualities of effective dialogue.

When composing a narrative essay, dialogue is an essential component for creating an engaging story. Without the spoken words, the reader can’t “hear” the characters (the real people who you are introducing to your audience) and get to know them. Simply summarizing what a character said isn’t as engaging or interesting as direct dialogue between characters.

When composing a narrative, you’ll most likely be re-creating conversations from the past. Don’t get too caught up in whether or not you recall exactly what was said. That is less important as how you portray the people in your narrative with their language, mannerisms, and other characteristics of their speech. When trying to decide exactly where and how to incorporate written dialogue, there are 3 essential questions to ask yourself before you begin:

• Is it AUTHENTIC?

• Is it ESSENTIAL?

• Is it DOING MORE THAN ONE THING?

 Is it Authentic?

Authentic dialogue realistically portrays the person speaking. If it’s authentic, the spoken words will sound exactly like the person would sound in real life. This doesn’t mean you have to incorporate slang in every sentence, but it does mean that the diction, word choice, phrasing, and other stylistic choices can easily be attributed to the person who is speaking in the narrative. It shouldn’t be too formal or precise. Below is an exchange of dialogue between a son and his mother:

“Jason,” my mother asked, “what were your activities and pursuits at your elementary school today?”

“I had a full day of activities, Mother.  My teacher was quite stimulating, and recess was especially delightful,” I said.

Doesn’t quite sound right, does it? Most likely, an exchange between a mother and young son might sound something like this:

“How was school today?” mom asked.

“It was okay I guess.”

The first example obviously sounds stilted and formal, unlike how most families speak. The second example is more realistic. Some writers might choose to even use slang in their speech, such as “I dunno,” or “Kinda good,” but be very careful of overusing phonetic substitutes, as it becomes a bit tedious to read and runs the risk of characters sounding illiterate.

Is it ESSENTIAL?

“Hi Jim. How are you?” I asked.

“I’m fine. How are you?” Jim said.

“I’m fine,” I said.

BORING! An exchange like the example above is not essential to the narrative. It’s not really doing anything toward moving the narrative forward or showing any kind of characterization of the speakers. Compare this with the following exchange:

“Hi Jim,” I said.

“What wrong?” Jim asked, concerned.

“It’s my dad,” I said, breaking down.

In this exchange, the everyday-ness of the previous example is avoided. There may have very well been niceties exchanged, but in written dialogue, the writer must compress time and get to what’s essential. Here we get tension, we get emotion, and the narrative is propelled forward. Which leads us to essential element #3.

Is It Doing More Than One Thing?

Dialogue, whether in fiction or nonfiction, isn’t meant to simply allow characters to “speak.” If this is all it’s doing, then it isn’t doing enough.

Dialogue should draw a characterization. This means that the dialogue works to show traits of the person speaking, or the relationship between the speakers.  What they say, how they say it, and the tone they use provides the reader with lots of information they wouldn’t get otherwise.

The following excerpt is from Beloved by Toni Morrison, an expert at characterization through dialogue. Notice in this example that Morrison mostly avoids using phonetic spellings, but simply drops words to characterize the speakers:

“Something funny ‘bout that gal,” Paul D said, mostly to himself.

“Funny how?”

“Acts sick, sounds sick, but she don’t look sick. Good skin, bright eyes and strong as a bull.”

“She’s not strong. She can hardly walk without holding on to something.”

“That’s what I mean. Can’t walk, but I seen her pick up the rocker with one hand.”

“You didn’t.”

“Don’t tell me. Ask Denver. She was right there with her.”

In this exchange, Morrison avoids speaker tags, except in the first line to set up the exchange. This “he said, she said” can take away from an otherwise engaging exchange, and here, it isn’t necessary. Also notice that the two people speaking have distinctly different styles, so it’s easy to differentiate each speaker from the other.

Consider everything the following bit of dialogue is doing:

“What’s the capital of Spain?” Jerry asked, pausing over his crossword puzzle.

Susan looked up from her book and rolled her eyes. “Madrid, duh.”

“Why are you so sarcastic all the time?” Jerry slammed his pencil on table. He

looked like he was going to cry. “I don’t think I can take much more of this.”

Poor Jerry! You can cut the tension with a knife! What’s going to happen? Several things are happening with this dialogue-

1. Characterizes speakers
2. Shows relationship between characters
3. Creates tension
4. Moves narrative forward

When you’re writing dialogue for your narrative, consider why you are incorporating each exchange and know what your purpose is for including it. If it isn’t essential, leave it out.

There really are no secrets to writing effective dialogue, but knowing who your characters are and why you are incorporating every exchange will help you in determining what to leave in and what to take out. Avoid phony or forced speech, and use speaker tags thoughtfully. When you’re finished, read your essay aloud to “hear” what you’ve written. Try reading some essays or short stories to see how other writers do it. Follow these steps, and you’ll be writing dialogue like a pro!

Below is a brief reading list of some of the greatest writers of dialogue you might study.

“Hills Like White Elephants” – Ernest Hemingway.

“What We Talk About When We Talk About Love” – Raymond Carver.

Anything by Elmore Leonard or John Steinbeck.

 

 

 

 

Due-Day Polishing: 6 things to do before you hand over the final draft

(This post originally appeared here in Nov. 2011)

You’ve worked hard all quarter getting your essay in top form. You’ve outlined. You’ve taken pages of notes. You’ve peer-workshopped. Your instructor has given you feedback – and at least 100 handouts. You revised. And revised. And revised. Today the final draft is due – but is it really done?

Don’t be too quick to hand your essay over just yet. Here are a few last-minute editing tips to get your essay as perfect as it can be.

1. Did you use spell-checker? Good. But don’t trust it. Spell-checker is great if you have misspelled a word or used incorrect punctuation (sometimes). But spell-checker doesn’t work if you’ve used defiantly instead of definitely, or their instead of there, or a semi-colon instead of a colon, or – you get the picture. One quick way to find these errors is to go to the toolbar under “Edit”; click “Find,” then type in the words you have difficulty with. It will highlight them so you can confirm you’ve used these words correctly.

2.  Read the first and last sentence of each paragraph. Does each paragraph focus on just one topic, or are you all over the place? See where you were beginning with the paragraph, and see where you ended up; if you went down one road and ended up on a multi-lane interstate, refocus your thoughts so the paragraph communicates one topic or point.

3.  How is your sentence variety? Do you vary the length and style to create a nice rhythm, or are sentences short and choppy? Can short sentences be combined? Do you say the same thing but in five different ways? Sometimes we spend so much time on research or MLA as we’re composing our essays that we overlook something as simple as sentence variety that can be the difference between blah and the best essay evah!

4.  Read your essay aloud to really hear the words. Reading your essay aloud is the most important thing you can do to find those difficult errors that spell-check or your peer group doesn’t catch. Read slow and deliberately. If you’ve read your essay so many times it’s too familiar, try reading your essay backward. This will slow you down and give you a different perspective on the sentences.

5.  Do you feel like you know your essay by heart? Time to take a step back. If time allows, put the essay away for a day or two. Getting some distance from your essay will give you the opportunity to read it with a fresh set of eyes.

6.  Finally, let it go. You’ve done the best you can and there comes a time when we have to let our writing go and move on. If you know you’ve done your best to make your writing all it can be, then a grade often becomes secondary to that sense of accomplishment you’ll feel when it’s complete.

What are your due-day rituals? Do you have any last-minute tips you’d like to share?

 

Write-Speak: Correcting Faulty Sentence Constructions

 

When I was an undergrad writing major, I was told “Write like you talk.” If I were writing a work of fiction that needed realistic dialogue, writing like I talked worked great. But in all other forms of writing, if I were to write like I talked, it would look something like this:

“It’s like where you go. . . I mean. . . it’s when you turn left. . . like. . . up in the house when the corner turns . . .”

Or

“I can’t believe my Royals. . . Like. . .Oh my gosh! They were all going crazy. . . like, when they won. . . I was where I couldn’t talk, I was so excited!”

If you listened to just about any casual conversation, you would hear patterns of inconsistency (and really bad grammar!). Many, if not most, of our spoken sentences would be fragments or incomplete sentence structures. We talk it bits and pieces, and mix sentence constructions without even knowing it. Many of us intersperse our spoken sentences with numerous “filler” words, such as “like” in the examples above. So you can see how difficult it becomes to maintain consistency in our writing. Recognizing these patterns of inconsistencies is the first step to editing these incomplete structures.

Inconsistent Subjects & Predicates

Identifying the subject and predicate can be the first step toward identifying sentence inconsistencies. In the examples below, the subject and predicate don’t fit together grammatically or just don’t make sense:

EX.
From all his hard work helped Karl graduate.

When you read the sentence, you might “hear” something is wrong, but might not be able to identify the problem. The sentence begins with the prepositional phrase, From all his hard work, which acts as the subject of the verb. This is not a grammatically correct construction.

Revised:

All his hard work helped Karl graduate.

That sounds better.
______________________________________________

Look at the following problem example, where you’ll see an issue with inconsistent subject/predicate:

EX.

A characteristic that I admire is a person who is generous.

The subject of the sentence is “characteristic.” The verb is “admire.” But “a person” is not a characteristic, so this statement isn’t logical.

Revised:

A characteristic that I admire is generosity a person who is generous.

“Generosity” is a characteristic that can be admired in a person.

 

See if you can catch the faulty predication in the following example:

EX.

A compromise between the mountains and the beach would be an ideal place to vacation.

If you said that the subject of the sentence – “compromise” – cannot be an “ideal place,” you would be correct. It isn’t logical.

Revised:

A place combining features of the mountains and the beach would be an ideal place to vacation.

OR

The ideal place to vacation would be a location combining features of the mountains and the beach.

___________________________________________________

Keep Consistent Grammatical Patterns

Mixed Structures

One of the most common inconsistencies is what is referred to as a mixed construction. In mixed constructions, the grammatical pattern used in the first part of a sentence is not carried through in other parts of the sentence, creating an illogical sentence. The speaker of the sentence sets out to say one thing and switches to something else, resulting in confusion:

EX.

The fact that I get up at 5:00 a.m., a wake-up time that explains why I’m always tired in the evening.

The subject of the sentence, The fact, is followed by a dependent clause, that I get up at 5:00 a.m.; a predicate (verb or verb phrase) is needed to complete the independent clause. However, the sentence is mixed with another dependent clause, a wake-up time that explains why I’m always tired in the evening, which creates a fragment.

Revised:

The fact that I get up at 5:00 a.m., explains a wake-up time that why I’m always tired in the evening.

OR

The fact that I get up at 5:00 a.m., a wake-up time that explains why I’m always tired in the evening.

Another mixed sentence can occur with is when and is where, as in the following examples:

An examination is when you are tested.

An examination is where you are tested.

Think about what the subject actually is in this sentence. Examination is a test. Examination is not a time or place. When should only be used when referring to time. Use where only when referring to a place.

Revised:

An examination is a test of what you know.
___________________________________________________________

The ability to identify subjects and predicates is helpful in avoiding faulty sentence constructions, but sometimes we just know something doesn’t sound right when we read it. Carefully reading through your sentences to see if they are logical is the first step to editing out sentence-level inconsistencies.

Examples from http://wps.ablongman.com and The Everyday Writer: A Brief Reference.

Considering the Oxford Comma

 

 

During a recent dinner with a group of writers, teachers, and punctuation enthusiasts, a heated debate ensued over the Oxford comma:

 

 

“I never use it.”
“I always use it!”
“I only use it when necessary.”
“It’s always necessary!”
“It impedes the flow of reading.”
“I mark my students’ papers incorrect if they don’t use it!”

Many of us learned in school that the final comma in a series was not necessary. Still others learned they are absolutely required no matter what. So what is the final, definitive rule for punctuating the elements in a series with the Oxford comma?

According to Oxford Dictionaries, the Oxford comma (also known as the serial comma) is an “optional” comma separating the last item in a list or series immediately prior to the conjunction (most commonly “and”):

We sell cheese, crackers, and relish.

The flag is red, white, and blue.

My favorite pies are apple, cherry, and chocolate cream.

In the examples above, there really wouldn’t be any confusion if there were no serial comma. They are all simple, straightforward lists, and the meaning would still be clear without it.

To Oxford or not to Oxford?

With all the debate over the Oxford, I decided to do a little research and performed a very unscientific survey of fellow grammar nerds, er, I mean teachers, and the response was overwhelmingly in favor of its use. About half the respondents indicated that they mark it as incorrect if it is omitted, and several said they mark it incorrect because the SAT exam counts its absence as incorrect.

According to Lynn Gaertner-Johnston’s Business Writing website, she surveyed 11 current style guides and found

• 7 recommend including the comma before the conjunction.

• 2 (Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary and Canadian Oxford Dictionary) recommend the comma before the conjunction but acknowledge that some writers omit it.

• 2 (The AP Stylebook and The Canadian Press Stylebook) leave out the comma before the conjunction unless doing so would cause confusion.

The AP Stylebook noted in the final example above, is used by journalists, newspapers, and many magazines who omit it to save space and improve flow.

The name, Oxford comma, comes from Oxford University Press, where editors and printers required its use. However, not all publishers use it, or use it only when the meaning could be confused without it. For instance, in the example from The Chicago Manual of Style Online,

With gratitude to my parents, Mother Teresa and the pope.

there is no comma before the final item in this series “the pope,” so this seems to be saying that the writer is thanking his parents, who are Mother Teresa and the pope!

However, with a serial comma, the meaning changes:

With gratitude to my parents, Mother Teresa, and the pope.

Now it’s clear that this writer thanks his or her parents, and two other people: Mother Teresa and the pope. This makes more sense!

In the following list of menu side items, you might be confused as to what exactly you are eating, depending on the final comma:

Available side dishes include potato, fries, rice, peas and carrots.

How many items do you have to choose from? Four – or five? Are the peas and carrots one combined side dish, or two separate veggie sides?

If the Oxford comma is used,

Available side dishes include potato, fries, rice, peas, and carrots.

you have five sides to choose from, as the comma communicates that the peas are one item and the carrots are a separate item.

When Additional Words are Needed

An Officer and a Gentleman

 

 

 

 

 

 

Without a serial comma in the following example, the sentence communicates that officer and gentleman are describing John:

I went to see John, an officer and a gentleman.

There is no comma prior to “and,” which indicates that “an officer and a gentleman” describes John. Consider if there were a serial comma:

I went to see John, an officer, and a gentleman.

This could mean that you saw 3 people, one being John, the second, an officer, and the final, a gentleman. However, it could also mean you saw John, who is an officer, and another separate man who is a gentleman. Confusing! To clarify this example, you may need to add more words of description to guide the reader and avoid confusion:

I went to see John, who is an officer and who is also a fine gentleman.

I went to see John, who is an officer, and another man who was a fine gentleman.

Final Thoughts

The most important thing to remember is that regardless if you are a proponent of the Oxford comma or not, writers should always err on the side of what usage communicates most clearly, and in most cases, using the Oxford wins the debate.

 

Improving Sentence Style

 

 

 
Describing good style in writing is one of those things that is hard to explain. Like fashion sense or a winning personality, either you have it or you don’t. But you can learn how to improve your sentence style by following a few easy steps.

Avoid Using Vague Nouns

The words below are examples of vague nouns. Relying on vague nouns often leads to wordy construction, so it’s always best to avoid them if you can:

• factor
• aspect
• area
• situation
• consideration
• case

Examples

Vague: Consumer demand is rising in the area of services.

Precise: Consumers are demanding more services.

Vague: Strong reading skills are an important factor in students’ success in college.

Precise: Students’ success in college depends on their reading skills.

Vague: Photography took on new aspects during the Civil War.

Precise: The Civil War saw the advent of graphic battlefield photography.

As you can see in the examples above, the sentences become wordy and confusing when vague nouns are used. This often can impede rhythm in sentences, which hurts the flow. This means that the reader must slow down to read the sentence, which isn’t necessarily a good thing.

 

Incorporate Absolute Phrases

If you’ve ever felt your essay plodding along in a repetitive “subject/verb/object” order, you probably could use some absolute phrases to enliven your rhythm and sharpen your style.

What exactly is an absolute phrase? An absolute phrase is a group of words that modify an independent clause. Just as an adjective modifies a noun, an absolute phrase modifies an entire clause.

Example:

Her arms folded across her chest, Professor Smith warned the students not to text in class.

In the sentence above, the absolute phrase is at the beginning of the sentence – Her arms folded across her chest.

The clause, Professor Smith warned the students not to text in class, is an independent clause, which means it can stand alone as a sentence. The absolute phrase (a dependent clause) is modifying this entire clause.

Building Sentences with Absolutes

Absolute phrases can be arranged in different positions in a sentence. In the example above, the absolute could be placed after the independent clause:

Professor Smith warned the students not to text in class, her arms folded across her chest.

Absolute phrases can also be placed in the middle of a sentence, between the subject and verb:

(S)                                                                                         (V)
Professor Smith, her arms folded across her chest, warned the students not to text in class.

Note that the absolute phrase is set off in the sentence with a pair of commas.

 

Eliminate Wordiness

Do you ever get your essays back from instructors with such comments as, “tighten,” “condense,” or “wordy”? What this means is that you are trying to communicate your point with more words than necessary. For example, note the difference in

“It is the opinion of our professor that we have failed to meet his expectations.”

and

“We have failed to meet our professor’s expectations.”

The second sentence is tighter, uses fewer words, and is stronger and more direct. Just remember, if you can communicate your point in fewer words, do it. Less is more.

Consider the following redundancies in italics:

Ex. 1:

It is absolutely essential that all students meet with their advisor on a regular basis.

If something is “essential,” can it be any more essential with “absolutely” in front of it? Probably not.

Ex. 2:

The advance preview of Transformers scored big at the box office.

You might have seen this one in film reviews, or even on E TV. If a movie is a preview, doesn’t that mean it is in advance of the release?

Ex. 3:

In my personal opinion, everyone could benefit from eating more chocolate.

Everyone, at one time or another, has at least said this, if not written it. So what is wrong with this example? If it is your opinion, isn’t it personal?

Ex. 4:

The final outcome of the Literature exam was better than I expected.

The outcome of something is always final, right?

These are all examples of redundant words that create inflated sentences. Carefully edit your final drafts to make sure you’re not redundant.

Avoid Dangling Modifiers

A modifier is a word (or group of words) that qualifies or adds to the meaning of other parts of the sentence. A dangling modifier is created when the modifier is joined to the wrong words in the sentence.

To correct, make the “doer” of the action the sentence’s subject, as in the example below:

Wrong: Coming over the hill, the barn was seen. Who saw the barn?
Correct: Coming over the hill, we saw the barn.

Wrong: Having arrived late for practice, a written excuse was needed.

Who arrived late? This sentence says that the written excuse arrived late. The possible revision might look like this:

Correct: Having arrived late for practice, the team captain needed a written excuse.

The main clause now names the person (the captain) who did the action in the modifying phrase (arrived late).

 

Choosing the best words to express your ideas in the best possible way sounds easy, but often is more difficult than we think. Improving your writing style may take some time and effort, but by following a few simple rules, your writing will become more readable and your style will be the envy of your peers!

 

(Sources: Purdue Owl, Essentials of English Grammar, writing.wisc.edu/Handbook.)