Tighten Up! Omit Needless Words & Phrases from your Writing

 

Many writers, beginning and experienced, often inflate their sentences with unnecessary words, but strong writing is not complicated or wordy writing. Good writing is tight, concise, and to the point. Inflating your writing with superfluous words will lead to confusion in not only your sentences, but can also lead to a confusing message in your essay. Read on to learn how to tighten your writing and improve your sentences.

Eliminate Wordy Phrases

One of the easiest fixes to tighten your writing is to eliminate wordy phrases. Read over your essay to see if a wordy phrase can be reduced to a word or two without changing the meaning:

At the present time  Today our business has no deficit.

The end result is tragic if a patient is not treated swiftly.

The final outcome will be difficult to determine.

Because of the fact that NASA has cut funding, the space missions are in jeopardy.

 

Eliminate Empty or Meaningless Words

Read each sentence carefully to locate words that offer no essential information to a sentence. Some of the most common empty words in student essays are very, really, and definitely.

They were really trying hard to get the bill passed.

The paper was very interesting. 

The research definitely shows that meditation reduces stress.

If you find you use very or really a little too frequently, it’s often a sign that the sentence needs to be rewritten with stronger language. Note the changes in the revised sentence below:

They were struggling to get the bill passed.

The paper was fascinating.

The research confirms that meditation reduces stress.

 

Omit “It is” Constructions

One of the most common sentence constructions found in student writing is beginning a sentence with “It is” or “There are,” both of which create a subject-less, and often confusing, sentence. Look at the sentences below and consider what the “it is” might be referring to:

It is possible that the cause of her headaches is stress.

Revised: The cause of her headaches is stress.

It is worth pointing out that both governors were incorrect.

Revised: Note that both governors were incorrect.

It is clear that research supports his findings.

Revised: Clearly the research supports his findings.

It is often the case that initial experiments fail to prove anything.

Revised: Often initial experiments fail to prove anything.

 

Tighten sentences beginning with “There are” to clarify meaning and improve style by locating the real subject of the sentence. Below, the real subject of the sentences is underlined:

There are numerous reports of widespread corruption.

Revised: Numerous reports suggest widespread corruption.

There are only two questions left to answer.

Two questions are left to answer.

There are numerous studies that show the opposite is true.

Numerous studies show the opposite is true.

 

Before you turn in your final draft, take some time to work on eliminating any redundant, excessive, or unnecessary words or language from your sentences. Your ideas will communicate more clearly, writing will flow more smoothly, which means your ideas will be taken more seriously.

Improving Sentence Style

 

 

 
Describing good style in writing is one of those things that is hard to explain. Like fashion sense or a winning personality, either you have it or you don’t. But you can learn how to improve your sentence style by following a few easy steps.

Avoid Using Vague Nouns

The words below are examples of vague nouns. Relying on vague nouns often leads to wordy construction, so it’s always best to avoid them if you can:

• factor
• aspect
• area
• situation
• consideration
• case

Examples

Vague: Consumer demand is rising in the area of services.

Precise: Consumers are demanding more services.

Vague: Strong reading skills are an important factor in students’ success in college.

Precise: Students’ success in college depends on their reading skills.

Vague: Photography took on new aspects during the Civil War.

Precise: The Civil War saw the advent of graphic battlefield photography.

As you can see in the examples above, the sentences become wordy and confusing when vague nouns are used. This often can impede rhythm in sentences, which hurts the flow. This means that the reader must slow down to read the sentence, which isn’t necessarily a good thing.

 

Incorporate Absolute Phrases

If you’ve ever felt your essay plodding along in a repetitive “subject/verb/object” order, you probably could use some absolute phrases to enliven your rhythm and sharpen your style.

What exactly is an absolute phrase? An absolute phrase is a group of words that modify an independent clause. Just as an adjective modifies a noun, an absolute phrase modifies an entire clause.

Example:

Her arms folded across her chest, Professor Smith warned the students not to text in class.

In the sentence above, the absolute phrase is at the beginning of the sentence – Her arms folded across her chest.

The clause, Professor Smith warned the students not to text in class, is an independent clause, which means it can stand alone as a sentence. The absolute phrase (a dependent clause) is modifying this entire clause.

Building Sentences with Absolutes

Absolute phrases can be arranged in different positions in a sentence. In the example above, the absolute could be placed after the independent clause:

Professor Smith warned the students not to text in class, her arms folded across her chest.

Absolute phrases can also be placed in the middle of a sentence, between the subject and verb:

(S)                                                                                         (V)
Professor Smith, her arms folded across her chest, warned the students not to text in class.

Note that the absolute phrase is set off in the sentence with a pair of commas.

 

Eliminate Wordiness

Do you ever get your essays back from instructors with such comments as, “tighten,” “condense,” or “wordy”? What this means is that you are trying to communicate your point with more words than necessary. For example, note the difference in

“It is the opinion of our professor that we have failed to meet his expectations.”

and

“We have failed to meet our professor’s expectations.”

The second sentence is tighter, uses fewer words, and is stronger and more direct. Just remember, if you can communicate your point in fewer words, do it. Less is more.

Consider the following redundancies in italics:

Ex. 1:

It is absolutely essential that all students meet with their advisor on a regular basis.

If something is “essential,” can it be any more essential with “absolutely” in front of it? Probably not.

Ex. 2:

The advance preview of Transformers scored big at the box office.

You might have seen this one in film reviews, or even on E TV. If a movie is a preview, doesn’t that mean it is in advance of the release?

Ex. 3:

In my personal opinion, everyone could benefit from eating more chocolate.

Everyone, at one time or another, has at least said this, if not written it. So what is wrong with this example? If it is your opinion, isn’t it personal?

Ex. 4:

The final outcome of the Literature exam was better than I expected.

The outcome of something is always final, right?

These are all examples of redundant words that create inflated sentences. Carefully edit your final drafts to make sure you’re not redundant.

Avoid Dangling Modifiers

A modifier is a word (or group of words) that qualifies or adds to the meaning of other parts of the sentence. A dangling modifier is created when the modifier is joined to the wrong words in the sentence.

To correct, make the “doer” of the action the sentence’s subject, as in the example below:

Wrong: Coming over the hill, the barn was seen. Who saw the barn?
Correct: Coming over the hill, we saw the barn.

Wrong: Having arrived late for practice, a written excuse was needed.

Who arrived late? This sentence says that the written excuse arrived late. The possible revision might look like this:

Correct: Having arrived late for practice, the team captain needed a written excuse.

The main clause now names the person (the captain) who did the action in the modifying phrase (arrived late).

 

Choosing the best words to express your ideas in the best possible way sounds easy, but often is more difficult than we think. Improving your writing style may take some time and effort, but by following a few simple rules, your writing will become more readable and your style will be the envy of your peers!

 

(Sources: Purdue Owl, Essentials of English Grammar, writing.wisc.edu/Handbook.)

A Match Made in Heaven: Subjects and Predicates

We learned last week that failure to include a subject or verb in a sentence will cause a sentence fragment. Even when subjects and verbs are both present, you still may not have a grammatically correct sentence. Subjects and verbs must fit together grammatically. When they don’t, the sentence has a mixed structure, or faulty predication.  A mixed construction is a sentence with parts that do not logically fit together.

Faulty Predication

A predicate is the part of the sentence that makes a statement about the subject, and the main part of the predicate is the verb. Sentences must be logical, meaning the predicate must have the ability to act on the subject. Faulty predication is created when the subject can’t logically do or be whatever the verb says it’s doing or being. Consider the sentence below:

EX:

• A quality that I admire is someone who is patient.

“Someone” is not really a “quality,” so this sentence isn’t logical. This is considered faulty predication because the subject (quality) isn’t consistent with the predicate (is someone who is patient).

• A quality that I admire is patience.

Is patience a quality? Yes. But note that a person can be patient; a quality is patience. The only way to correct the sentence is to change the form of the word, patient.

EX:

• The rules of the game expect all players to be in full uniform.

“Rules” can’t “expect” anything, right? Rules can require:

• The rules of the game require that all players be in full uniform.

Trouble with Linking Verbs

Another illogical construction with faulty predication is using when, where, and because immediately after the linking verb “is.”

EX:

• An idiom is when a word or phrase has an unpredictable meaning.

In the previous sentence, the subject, “idiom” is a noun. The sentence is illogical, because a noun must follow the linking verb “is.” When used as a linking verb, “is” must join two nouns:

• An idiom is a word or phrase with an unpredictable meaning.

The same rule applies to “where” in the following sentence:

EX:

• The summit is where a mountain is the highest.

Omit  “where” and follow “is” with a noun:

• The summit is the highest point of a mountain.

EX:

• A gulf is where a portion of ocean or sea is partially surrounded by land.
•  A gulf is a portion of ocean or sea partially surrounded by land.

Reason. . . is Because

Using “is because” following “reason” creates a confusing structure. It’s redundant, as the meaning of “because” is “the reason that.” It’s not only illogical, but confusing:

EX:

• The reason I like to play tennis is because it keeps me in shape.
• I like to play tennis because it keeps me in shape.

EX:

• The reason I went to work early was to catch up on emails.
• I went to work early to catch up on emails.

Both of these examples are corrected by removing “the reason” and the linking verb preceding “because.”

Finding these types of sentence-level errors is tricky, and they are often overlooked in academic papers. Read sentences carefully, paying close attention to the subject and predicate of each sentence. You can also try using MS Word’s FIND tab to locate illogical constructions such as “is when,” “is where,” and “reason. . . is because.” When working to eliminate faulty predicate construction, nothing works better than a close reading.

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Style Watch: How to Construct Effective Sentences

Part II: Conciseness

In last week’s post, we discussed the importance of emphasizing important ideas in sentences. This week, we’re focusing on the other essential element in effective sentences: conciseness.

Conciseness is simply direct, succinct writing. Get to the point and use the most effective words to construct the most effective sentence. Although concise writing doesn’t always mean to use the fewest words, fewer words generally create tighter writing.  Take out the dead weight, meaning, omit any words that are not contributing something important, or are saying the same thing you’ve already said using different words.

Redundancy

Let’s consider the final sentence in the previous paragraph:

Take out the dead weight, meaning, omit any words that are not contributing something important, or are saying the same thing you’ve already said using different words.

The second part of this sentence could be reworded to use fewer words, as in the example below:

Take out the dead weight, meaning, omit any words that are not contributing something important, and avoid redundancy.

Saying the same thing you’ve already said using different words and avoid redundancy mean the same thing. The revised version is more direct, and the message is communicated more clearly. Fewer words = less confusion.

Redundant Phrases

It’s also common for writers to refer to a color or size, describing something as “blue in color” or “large in size.” In color and in size are unnecessary, as it’s a given that blue is a color and large is a size, right?

Here are a few more examples of redundant phrases:

Compulsory a Attendance during exam week is required.

The basic fundamental reason he won is he raised more money.

Eliminate Empty Words

Empty words contribute no essential information to a sentence. Some of the most common empty words in student essays are definitely, very, really, and literally.

The research definitely shows that meditation improves physical and mental health.

The paper was very interesting.  OR The paper was fascinating.

They were really trying hard to get the bill passed.

He was literally dying of his own germs.

Wordy Phrases

Many times, wordy phrases can be reduced to a word or two while retaining the meaning:

At the present time  Today our business has no deficit.  

The end result is death if a patient is not treated within twenty-four hours.

The final outcome will be difficult to determine.

Because of the fact that NASA has cut funding, our space missions are in jeopardy.

Replace Vague Words with Specific Words

Writers sometimes use too many vague words to express a concept when a more precise word would communicate more clearly.

Wordy: The governor talked about several of the merits of mandatory recycling in his speech.

Specific: The governor touted mandatory recycling in his speech.

Vague: The thing was to get as many volunteers as possible.

Specific: The objective was to get as many volunteers as possible.

As you can see, constructing effective sentences is one sure way of improving your writing immediately. Avoiding redundancy and eliminating wordiness will create clear, concise writing. Edit your sentences, keeping a close eye on each word, and ask yourself if each word is contributing to the meaning of the sentence. Concise writing is not always a matter of using fewer words, but using more effective words as well.

Practice Sentences

Make each of the sentences more clear and concise by eliminating unnecessary words and phrases:

1.    One of the major problems that is faced at this point in time is that here is world hunger.  

2.    At the present time, many different forms of hazing occur, such as various forms of physical abuse and also mental abuse.  

3.    I would call your attention to the fact that our former President, who was formerly the Governor of Arkansas, is basically a Southerner.

 

 (Some examples from The St. Martin’s Handbook)