Don’t Be a Victim of These Five Common Grammar Mistakes

Your essay is smart, interesting and on point. It’s all the things that should get you an “A.” But then your instructor sees one of these common errors. Uh-oh, record scratch. Your essay is a white suit with a splotch of spaghetti sauce, and that splotch brings down your credibility and tarnishes your great message. Don’t let that happen! Do one more read-through and check for these common mistakes.

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

While I know you wouldn’t type “woulda” and sound like Tony Soprano, make sure your sentences use “would have” or “would’ve” not “would of.” Yes, when spoken the two sound alike, but remember that your brilliant sentences need a verb in that instance, not a preposition. ”I could have danced all night” is a conditional perfect form, with the “have” functioning as an auxiliary or “helping” verb. You can say, “I have danced the rhumba,” but “I of danced the rhumba” makes zero sense. The conditional part means it is something that didn’t actually happen, but it could have. Or would have. Or should have. You get the idea.

Affect vs. Effect

These guys are tricky shape-shifters, but in general, affect is a verb and effect is a noun. To affect is to MAKE a difference. An effect IS the difference. In a sentence like “The use of fossil fuels has affected our climate,” it’s clear that “has affected” is the verb. Conversely, you could say “The use of fossil fuels has had a bad effect on our climate.” Here, ”has had” is the verb, and “effect” is preceded by an article, marking it as a thing–a noun. If only we could stop there, life would be easy. But in a few special instances, affect can be a noun, and effect can be a verb. One can use the phrase “effect change” meaning to cause change, and so here, effect is a verb. In a psychological context, one could also say “she has an flat affect,” where affect indicates an overall mood or state, making it a noun. But outside of those contexts, affect is the verb, effect is the noun.

Everyday vs. Every Day

This one really is easy. “Everyday” is an adjective that describes something: “I’m wearing an everyday shirt.” But the vast, vast majority of the time, you are talking about something that happens all the time: “every day.” Two words. “I go to the gym every day.” Here, every is the adjective, all by itself, and day is the noun it is describing. ‘Nuff said.

Its vs. It’s

Every time you writeit’s when you should writeits, a puppy dies. Okay, no, it doesn’t, but it does make your writing look like garbage and now everything you’ve said is somehow suspect because your audience is thinking, “how can I trust this person?” and that is not the impression you want your readers to have. When in doubt, avoid this heinous error by mentally substituting “It is” for “It’s.” If it makes sense, use the contraction with the apostrophe. If it doesn’t, you know you need the possessive pronoun, with no apostrophe. For example: Jasper paired every sock with its mate. Can you substitute “it is” here? Jasper paired every sock with it is mate? Nope. You know you need the apostrophe-less pronoun. On the other hand: Because it’s Saturday, I can turn off the alarm. Can you substitute “it is”? Yes, you can! Use that apostrophe, baby! Rock it!

Their, There, They’re

Here (not there) we have three words that sound the same (homonyms for you English geeks) but function very differently. “They’re” is a contraction of a pronoun and a verb, “their” is a pronoun, and “there” is an adverb.  “They’re” is the contraction for “they are,” a combo of subject and verb. Example: They’re ready to leave class. Again, if you can substitute “they are” and it makes sense, then you are using the proper form. (see above discussion). “Their” is a possessive plural pronoun, indicating that something belongs to someone, or in this case, several someones. Example: Their garage band, Funeral Goose, plays covers from the nineties. Finally, “there” is an adverb indicating location (but in a vague sort of way). Example: Are we there yet? Round-up example of all 3 homonyms: They’re piling up their notebooks over there.

To Conclude:

We have only scratched the surface of usage pitfalls here, but these are some of the most common (and frankly the most annoying) of writing errors. In a time of constant and casual texting, it’s easy to say these mistakes don’t really matter; surely the audience knows what you mean. Maybe they do, but sometimes they don’t. At worst, grammar errors can obscure the meaning of your writing, but even at best, the impact of your message and your credibility as a writer takes a big hit. You’ve spent a lot of precious time on your writing–invest a few more minutes to make sure it shines.

Chap GPT: Friend or Foe?

Chat GPT, Chatsonic, Google BARD—all are forms of AI, or artificial intelligence, generated by bots—very smart bots that can not only generate lucid prose, but can be trained to respond in a particular tone or within a certain context.

The 6 million dollar question: will it be a huge advantage and fantastic time saver for all mankind? Or is it evil incarnate that will soon take over the world?

Okay, maybe neither of those extremes are entirely accurate, but it is safe to say it will be a game-changer. The question will quickly become not whether to use it or not—it will be used, just as calculators and Google maps are used, as a part of daily life—but how to use AI both effectively and honestly in writing.

NOT Effective

At the current time, using an AI chat type program to do your research is not a good idea, because it may not be accurate. The bots scour an enormous number of sites, but of course, anything can be posted anywhere and a bot cannot distinguish between the real and the fake. Or even the sarcastic.
Chat GPT is much different from a human generated open source like Wikipedia. Remember why your teachers always told you that Wikipedia cannot be used as an actual source for your paper? Anybody could change it, at any time, for any reason. So no, it is not a completely reliable source, and therefore cannot be quoted for a research paper. However, it is a testament to the dedication of their human volunteers that, in general, Wikipedia is reasonably accurate. There are a lot of people who care very much about their area of expertise and who constantly monitor Wikipedia to keep inaccuracies from creeping in, either from lack of knowledge or from malicious intent.

Bots, though, are like honey badger. They don’t care. And in the case of AI chat programs like Chat GPT, they are not even searching the internet for facts in the way that Siri or Alexis does. When constructing a sentence, Chat GPT picks the next most likely word (actually it’s choosing “tokens” which may be a word or part of a word) based on its training. This can result in either a true or false statement. (Wu). It is guessing, based on billions (and possibly even trillions) of terms it has been exposed to. In a frequently cited example, Chap GPT stated that Hilary Clinton was president. The program doesn’t “know” any history. It knows what words and terms are frequently associated with Hilary’s name. While that error is pretty obvious, other errors may be much less so. You will need to fact-check and verify anything generated by Chat GPT or a similar AI program.

Photo by Bryan Smith on Pexels.com

Not Ethical

Other ethical concerns with the use of AI programs include bias, privacy issues, and copyright infringements. Again, the bots are looking for likely combinations and have been exposed to a veritable plethora of sites. Some of those sites will be biased as well as inaccurate. And although the companies developing AI programs are now promising to avoid sensitive personal information, the fact remains that many bots were trained indiscriminately and that data breeches occurred. In addition, these programs store anything that you or another user puts in for its own future training. While some programs offer an opt out option, not all do at this time. For this reason, you should avoid using AI to write anything containing your own personal information or that of another person.

By now, you can probably see how copyright infringement happens, with indiscriminate bots gathering from millions of sources, many of which are copyrighted. ChatGPT is unable to provide citations for material, which is problematic both from an ethical and legal standpoint (Ryan). As a user, you won’t even know if you are infringing on copyrighted material, let alone where the material originated. As well as violating academic standards for use of others’ intellectual property, you could also be legally liable for copyright infringement.

How to Use

How, then, can we use AI programs such as Chat GPT ethically? Most institutions are still in the process of formulating guidelines for AI usage, but be transparent with your instructor about how and when you have used an AI platform. Most instructors will not want you using AI as a research tool by itself (for all of the above reasons), but may allow you to use the platform for a source of inspiration—generating questions to guide your research and refine your topic, for instance (Ryan). In this sense, it can be used as a more sophisticated search engine.

Bottom line: instructors still want you to formulate your own thoughts into sentences generated by you, not AI. While your writing may be informed by other sources, if you’ve done your own research, you can vouch for their veracity and give proper credit. That is the basis of ethical writing, and at present, it is not possible to achieve those goals with AI.

Work Cited:

Ryan, E. Ethical Implications of Chat GPT. Scribbr. 15 August 2023. http://www.scribbr.com/ai-tools/chatgpt-ethics.

Wu, G. 8 Big Problems With Open AI’s Chat GPT. MUO. 6 May 2023. http://www.makeuseof.com/open-ai.

Internal Citations: When and How

by Kirsten Macdissi

You’ve researched your topic thoroughly, taken notes from all your sources and now you’re ready to dive into writing. Being a gentleperson and a scholar, OF COURSE you want to give proper credit to all your sources as you use them to back up your own fantastic, original thoughts. (Plagiarism: such an ugly, ugly thing.)

When to use an internal citation

To avoid plagiarism, you must use an internal–within the paper itself–citation in addition to the full and formal citation listed in the works cited or bibliography page. This internal citation should be used whenever you use information directly from that source, whether it is a direct quote, indirect quote, or paraphrase. Common knowledge that can be found from multiple sources does not need to be cited. For instance, a piece of information like Abraham Lincoln’s birthday, or Mark Twain’s birthplace, would not be unique to one author or source and therefore does not need to be cited. However, if you included an author’s opinion or insight into that fact, then you would need to cite that.

Example: Mark Twain was born in Florida, Missouri in 1835. No citation needed here; it is a statement of fact and common knowledge, even if you didn’t happen to know it. However, imagine that the source where you found this fact went on to say: “Missouri in 1835 stood at an uneasy crossroads. A ‘slave’ state, it was bordered on three sides by states and/or territories where slavery was illegal. It was an inherently unstable situation, a tinderbox of warring ideologies.” If you use any of that interpretation of fact in your paper, mentioning the idea of instability, uneasiness, or warring ideologies, then you must cite the source.

How to create an internal citation

There are a few ways to cite internally and correctly. For the purposes of this post, we will examine MLA style and APA style, the two most commonly used academic styles.

Direct quotes

If a source has phrased something in a really unique and pithy way, or if their idea is fairly complex, you will probably want to go with a direct quote. This can be either a partial or full quote, followed by a full parenthetical citation. Example for MLA style: “It was an inherently unstable situation, a tinderbox of warring ideologies” (Macdissi 5). The citation includes the author’s last name and the page number of the source where it can be found. For APA style, this citation would be (Macdissi, 2023): the author’s name is followed by the date of publication.

Often it makes sense to use the author’s name within the sentence, as in: Macdissi maintains that the Missouri Compromise led to “a tinderbox of warring ideologies” (5). Because you have used the author’s name within your own sentence (and thus given credit) you need only cite the page number (for MLA) or date (for APA) within the parentheses. This method still allows your reader to go to the works cited, or bibliography page, and easily find the source used for that passage.

If the source does not list an author’s name–as sometimes happens when the source is an organization or corporation–use the name of the organization in place of the author’s name. Ex. MLA: (American Historical Society 5) or APA: (American Historical Society, 2023).

Indirect quotes

Remember that even when paraphrasing or summarizing an author’s ideas you must give them credit; those ideas are still their intellectual property. Using a citation here is particularly important, in order to clearly separate your idea and words from someone else’s. Sloppy citations that blur the line between original and paraphrased have gotten even big name scholars like Stephen Ambrose in trouble, so take your time and do it right.

Phrases like, “according to Smith,” or “Jones shows that...” signal to your reader that you are using a source’s ideas even if it is not a direct quote.

Ex. (MLA): In her groundbreaking study on student lunch preferences, Jones concludes that student choice is even more important than the quality of food offerings (7). That ability to choose is an important factor in American culture; we have been conditioned to think that choices are, and always will be, infinite.

As readers, we are now assuming that the first sentence contains ideas from (Jennifer) Jones, and that the second sentence is all you. If that is not the case, you still need to give Jones additional credit, as for example: That ability to choose, Jones maintains, is an important factor in American culture; we have been conditioned to think that choices are, and always will be, infinite. (8). Notice the indication that that next idea was found on a different page of the same source.

Conclusion:

Internal citations for either MLA or APA styles are not really difficult once you’ve done a few, but they are vitally important to academic integrity, (and your grade!) so take them seriously.

Comma, Comma, Comma Chameleon

by Kirsten Macdissi

Commas are probably both the most used and the most misunderstood punctuation mark in the English language. It’s a versatile punctuation mark, with several different legitimate functions, which may contribute to usage confusion at times. Commas indicate a pause in the flow of a sentence, or a separation between items in a series, or mark the beginning of a quote. (See what we did just now?) They are also used after salutations, as in Dear John, or to separate cities from states, as in Omaha, Nebraska. Separating the month and day from the year in a date also requires a comma in American usage: October 27, 2022. These last conventional uses, however, are not the ones that commonly confuse writers.

Most often, it is the pause function of a comma that um, gives us pause. Here are the rules to guide the correct usage of commas:

Use commas after introductory phrases, clauses and words. Words that often indicate an introductory clause or phrase are: after, although, as, because, if, since, when, and while.
Ex. After the rain ended, we could play tennis.
Because I started late, I missed the deadline.

Participial or infinitive phrases at the beginning of a sentence also call for a comma, as for example: Having baked so many birthday cakes already, he never even glanced at the recipe. Or: To get a head start on packing for her llama trek, Louise left the party early.

Introductory words that stand alone are also followed by commas: Well, I guess I had better get going. Or: However, you should always check your gas gauge before leaving. Or: Yes, we have no bananas.

Commas are used to separate clauses when paired with a coordinating conjunction such as and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet. Ex. Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away, but now they look as if they’re here to stay. Remember you must have a coordinating conjunction with the comma to correctly join the two clauses. Using a comma alone results in an error known as a comma splice.

Essential Elements vs. Nonessential Elements

Use a pair of commas to set off nonessential elements in a sentence. How do you know if they are essential or nonessential, you ask? If you can leave out the phrase or clause and still have a sentence that is a clear and complete thought and conveys the necessary information, then the element is nonessential and should be set off with commas.

Example for a nonessential clause: Marcia, who is a ruthless poker player, is my best friend. The main thought is that Marcia is my best friend. Her poker-playing ability is not really essential information for this sentence.

Conversely, if the information in the clause or phrase is necessary for the sentence to truly make sense, then it is essential and should NOT be set off by commas. Ex: The man who lost his wallet returned to the parking lot where he dropped it. The information “who lost his wallet” is essential here to make sense of the sentence.

Clauses that start with “that,” aka relative clauses, are always essential and therefore will not use commas.

Ex. The book that has a provocative title has been banned from many libraries.

The dog believes that he will catch the squirrel.

We have to know which book, and we have to know what the dog believes for those sentences to convey their main message.

Commas Separating Adjectives

Use commas to separate coordinate adjectives of the same noun. Coordinate adjectives have equal status, as opposed to being subordinate, or dependent. The rule-of-thumb test to determine if adjectives are coordinate is the ability to put “and” between them. If you can do that, the adjectives are equal and coordinate.

Example of Coordinate Adjectives: He was a mean, miserly old skinflint.

The baby had a joyous, happy laugh.

Example of Non-coordinate Adjectives: She decided to wear a fuschia tulle dress to prom.

Remember that you can have a mix of both coordinate and non-coordinate adjectives. Again, separate the coordinate ones with a comma, and don’t separate the non-coordinate adjectives.

The bleak, gray winter sky hid the sun. Bleak and gray are equal and coordinate, but gray and winter are not.

Separating Phrases at the End of a Sentence

Use commas to separate phrases at the end of a sentence that modify something in the beginning or middle of the sentence.

Ex. Jasper ran after the Uber, frantically waving.

Helga seemed nonchalant, almost dismissive.

Be careful that the phrase is placed to clearly identify what it’s modifying; otherwise you run the risk of the confusion and utter chaos that results from a misplaced modifier.

While these rules are by no means exhaustive, they cover the most common use of commas in compositions. Remember that the most important use of commas is to make your meaning clear and easy for the reader to understand.

Photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexels.com

Avoiding the Comma Splice, aka the Run-On Sentence

by Kirsten Macdissi

It seems so harmless; you’re writing away, and the thoughts are flowing thick and fast. Finally! You just keep going, with barely a pause between your flashes of brilliance. Okay, your brain says, I do need to indicate a pause between those two independent thoughts. Fine, a comma will work. Nooo! You’ve just committed a comma splice, sure to earn a red mark slashing through your otherwise fabulous prose. Don’t let this happen to you.

How to Recognize an Impending Comma Splice

First of all, recognize when you are writing an independent clause/sentence. If it is independent, it has a subject and a verb and can stand by itself as a complete sentence. “Mandy loves sprinkle doughnuts” is a complete thought, and could stand alone as its own sentence. But you also have another thought about Mandy and the doughnuts: “The pink ones are absolutely the best.” Again, although related, this is a complete thought all by itself. It has a subject: “ones,” and also a verb: “are.” The temptation is to write these related and fascinating ideas as: “Mandy loves sprinkle doughnuts, the pink ones are absolutely the best.” But this is to splice those two ideas together as though they were one, and a comma does not provide enough of a pause to separate the two independent thoughts. Constant run-ons give writing a rushed and breathless feeling, and ultimately make it difficult for the reader to focus on and appreciate your great ideas.

Pondering options: which punctuation would be best?

Three Ways to Avoid the Run-On:

A Comma and a Conjunction: If you help a comma out by pairing it with a conjunction such as and, or, nor, for or but, you provide a stronger pause, but also tell us something about the relationship of those two ideas. For example, “Mandy loves sprinkle doughnuts, and the pink ones are the best” connects the two ideas, whereas “Mandy loves sprinkle doughnuts, but the sprinkle ones are the best” tells us that she is rating those doughnuts just a little.

A Semi-Colon: If the two independent ideas are pretty closely related, you can separate the two with a semi-colon: “Mandy likes sprinkle doughnuts; the pink ones are the best.” A semi-colon is a longer visual pause than a comma, but a little less than a period. A semi-colon really doesn’t work well, though, if the two ideas aren’t close relatives. For example: “Doughnuts are delicious; I like bacon” leaves the reader puzzled and looking for a relationship. Here a comma followed by the conjunction “but” would work much better: Doughnuts are delicious, but I like bacon.” Now we know that there is a comparison going on.

A Period: Sometimes dividing those two independent thoughts with a full stop period is the best way to go. This is especially true if the independent ideas are already lengthy: “The history of the sprinkle doughnut is long one, dating back to 1895, when baker Adolphus Gertzmer was experimenting with sugar decorations. He concocted a colored sugar paste to use as a hard icing, also realizing he could use the icing crumbs as additional edible decor.” You could connect these two sentences with a comma and conjunction, but it makes a clumsy monster sentence and will leave your reader exhausted.

In Conclusion

There is more than one way to build a great sentence and connect your thoughts into a cohesive, interesting whole. Commas paired with conjunctions, semi-colons, and periods are all great tools for connecting thoughts, and sometimes for dividing them a little. Just remember that commas, while they are a workhorse we couldn’t write without, are not designed to bear the weight of tying two independent clauses together. You wouldn’t fasten two-by-fours together with a thumb-tack, and two independent clauses need more than a comma. Happy writing!

Formatting Works Cited for MLA

by K. Macdissi

Your teacher has assigned a research paper. You’ve chosen a topic, refined the thesis statement that will guide your research, and now you are reading, taking notes, writing your first draft. Then your teacher reminds the class to make sure every source used has its entry on the Works Cited page, using the MLA format. You break out in a cold sweat, but remember the Writing Center Underground has some how-to help on this very topic! And here you are. Let’s break it down bird by bird, as Anne Lamott would say.

The Elements

A Works Cited entry in Modern Languages Association format consists of nine basic elements.  Not every element may be present for every entry, but every element should be considered and included, if present and relevant to your paper. The idea is to make it as easy as possible for your reader to find the sources you used. With that in mind, here are the basic elements:

1. Author.

2. Title.

3. Title of the Container, (The website where an article is housed, for example. More about containers below.)

 4. Contributor, (this could be an editor, or a director, if citing a movie—the idea is that they contributed significantly to the overall work that you are using)

5. Version,

6.  Number,

7.  Publisher,

8.  Publication date,

9.  Location.

Punctuation Between Elements

Notice that elements 1,2 and 9 will be followed by a period. The other elements will be followed by a comma.

A  Look at Each Element

Author:  Finding the author of a web article can be tricky. If the author’s name is not under the title of the article (as you would expect), scroll down to the very end of the article as well. Often you will find it there. Sometimes there truly is no author attributed, in which case skip this element and move on to the title. Occasionally,  the author may be an organization or corporation, but if the corporate “author” is the same as the publisher, skip the author and move on to title.

Format for single author:  Last name, First Name. Ex. Lamott, Anne.

Two authors:  Last name, First Name and First Name, Last Name. Ex. Campbell, Joseph and Edith Hamilton.

Three or more authors: Last Name, First Name, et. al. Ex. Frazier, James, et. al.

Corporate Author: Name of the corporation or government entity.

Ex. Modern Language Association of America.

Title of Source: Use the entire title, capitalizing the major words. A shorter work (those often “contained” in larger works) such as a short story, article, poem or song goes in quotation marks.

Title of an article on a website: “Finding Your Zen.”

Title of an entire website: Zen Institute.

Title of a book: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

Title of an article in a journal: “What Exactly Does Our Robot Future Look Like?”

Title of a journal: Journal of the American Medical Association.

Title of Container: Most sources will be housed or contained within another, larger source, or “container.”  The website article is contained within the website. The journal article is contained within the journal. A short story or an essay might be contained within a book (often an anthology). A movie might be contained within a streaming service, like Netflix or Hulu. Starting to get the idea?  These larger containers will be italicized, and followed by a comma since there is usually descriptive information added such as an editor, volume number, or date.

First containers: Anthologies or collections, magazines and newspapers, scholarly journals, TV series, websites.

Second containers: Yes, there can be more than one container. An article might be contained in a journal, which in turn is contained in a database, for example.  These second containers will also be italicized.

Ex.  “Little Red Riding Hood.”  The Blue Fairy Book, edited by Andrew Lang, Longmans, 1889. Project Gutenberg.

Contributors: These are people other than the author that have contributed to the work in some significant way. Editors, translators and directors are frequently mentioned in this category, but depending on your medium and/or your research topic, you might need to cite illustrators, narrators or performers as well. Precede the name (or names) of contributors with a description of the role.

Ex:  Goodfellas, directed by Martin Scorcese

Version: If there is any indication that the source is available in different versions, identify the version you are using.

 Ex. The Bible. New International Version, Cambridge UP, 2003.

Number: If your source is one volume in a numbered series, indicate that fact. Journals are also typically numbered, with all the issues of one year comprising a volume. The volumes are sequential, while the issues start with “1” for each year.  

Ex.  Jones, Jane. “Why We Write: Engaging in Text Response as a Subversive Act.” College Writing, vol. 22, no. 3, Oct. 2017, pp 45-47.

Not every journal uses “volume” as an organizing principle. Some just list issues sequentially.

Ex. “Blogging Toward Bliss.” Namaste, no. 77, 2015, pp. 23-24.

Publisher: This is the entity responsible for getting your source out into the world. It might be a traditional publishing company like Simon and Schuster or St. Martin’s Press. It can also be an organization like The National Council of Teachers of English. If you are citing a film, the publisher could be Twentieth Century Fox.  The publisher’s name is written in normal text, neither italicized nor enclosed in quotations. A publisher is usually not given for journals and periodicals, nor for websites whose title is essentially the same as the publisher. Likewise, if something is self-published by the author, no publisher name is required.

Date of Publication: For a book or periodical, the date is pretty straightforward—usually found on the copyright page for books, or on the cover for periodicals. Many online articles are also clearly dated. However, online articles may also have been published previously in another medium. In this case, use the date most relevant to your research. If you used the web article, use the web date. Also use as much date information as you have. If the article has a month and day, use them in your citation, but don’t forget that in MLA, the day comes before the month.

Ex. 14 July 2013.

Location: For print sources, use page numbers to indicate the location of the material you used for your paper, preceded by p. for a single page, or pp. for multiple pages. Ex. p. 3 or pp. 25-28.

Use the URL for online articles, omitting the http:// tag at the beginning of the URL. Ex. u.osu.edu/pollinators101.

If your source has a DOI (digital object identifier) use that in place of the URL. DOIs are stable and will remain the same even if the URL changes.

And that’s it. You have all the pieces of information necessary to write an entry for  Works Cited in MLA style. Not every entry will use every element, but here is an example of an entry that uses most of the elements.

Evans, Christine. “Artemis vs. Athena: Feminine Role Models in Myth and Legend.” Salamander, vol. 10, no. 4, May 2005. Project MUSE, muse.jhu.edu/article/866704.

Now you can give due credit to all the sources and writers who have informed your research paper and give your readers the information they would need to find those sources.  Happy writing!

Show it off! Tips for Adding Description to your Narrative

Can you describe this image using all of your senses?

When writing a narrative essay, your reader needs to see, hear, smell, taste and touch along with the writer, so it’s the writer’s job to show these details as clearly as possible. It’s not enough to tell the readers that someone is beautiful, handsome, slim or happy; the readers must see it for themselves. Writers can do this by incorporating sensory details.

As humans, we learn about the world and our surroundings through our senses. A reader needs to feel engaged in the written world you are creating. When we write using sensory detail, we are showing someone or something as it is instead of telling. Incorporating the five senses – sight (visual), sound (auditory), smell (olfactory), taste (gustatory), and touch (tactile) – into a narrative forces readers to see, hear, smell, taste, and touch just as the writer or character does. Writing that incorporates sensory images engages the reader and makes the writing come alive. Writing that utilizes sensory images quicken the pulse, gives you goose bumps, makes you taste and smell and hear what the writer tastes, smells, and hears.

Take, for instance, the following example:

The mountains are beautiful.

What, exactly, does “beautiful” look like? The word “beautiful” doesn’t tell us what color the mountains are, how high they are, what they might sound like (echoing or rustling leaves?) or smell like (clean cedar or musty leaves?). Mountains in Colorado are quite different in every “sense” than mountains in southern Appalachia.

Take this example taken from a student essay, as the writer is describing her grandmother:

She was very pretty.

What does “pretty” look like?

Revision:

My grandmother’s silver hair sat at her crown in a tight knot. Her skin, creviced from decades of laughter, hung loosely over her still high cheekbones. As she kneaded the dough, her thin, delicate hands sprinkled flour atop the dough, the smell of freshly baked bread clinging to her like perfume.

In narrative essays, you want the reader to experience what you experienced. Telling an audience something looks beautiful or pretty is vague; you need to create a sensory image of what “beautiful” or “pretty” means to you. Look at the following short paragraph describing a boy helping an elderly woman up a flight of stairs:

Grandmother Workman reached over and grabbed her grandson’s arm. He was nervous because the staircase was so steep, but she leaned against him and they began to climb.

Now, look at the same scene, but here, the writer has incorporated sensory detail:

Grandmother Workman lurched over and grabbed the pale skin of Randal’s thin forearm with her leathery hand. The folds and creases beneath her skin coiled themselves out like electrical wiring, like the bloated, roughly-textured relief map of the world that his mother just posted above his bedside table. Randal looked ahead toward the winding spiral staircase, fidgeted with a small hole in his baseball jersey, and bit his lip. His mouth filled with the sweet, coppery taste of blood as she leaned in closely toward him, breathing her hot breath on the damp hair at the base of his neck. She smelled of wet cigarettes and bacon. As they slowly climbed the long, steep staircase, the only sound was his grandmothers’ labored breathing and the mournful creak of the wooden stairs.

(writing.colostate.edu)

How many senses are utilized in this scene?

One way to help you incorporate more sensory images into your writing is by drafting the narrative first, then go back through the draft to see where you have told when you could have shown, and incorporate sensory details. The chart below is one type of tool to use as you construct and revise your narrative:

Sight

I see…            __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sound

I hear…            __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Taste

I taste…            __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Smell

I smell…            __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Touch

I feel…            __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Remember that as you write your narrative, your reader didn’t experience what you experienced. To engage your reader, work on incorporating sensory detail into your narrative, and watch your writing come alive.

Developing the Narrative Essay

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Narrative essays are often one of the favorite writing assignments for students. We can write from our own experience and knowledge, sharing a pivotal moment from our lives. Still, many writers find it difficult to take jumbled thoughts and memories and compose a well-crafted essay. So where to begin?

A narrative essay should not only entertain, but also communicate a lesson or message that the writer has learned through that experience. Retelling an event from too large of a time period can lead to an overwhelming amount of information to narrate, so it’s best to choose a topic for a narrative that is a small moment in time, one pivotal event or experience.

Start from the Beginning

The introduction of your narrative should capture the readers’ attention. Introduce the “characters” and set the story in time and place. Incorporate a strong “hook” that will pull the reader into your story. The hook will create a sense of urgency, making the reader feel they have to keep reading to see what happens next.

Though a narrative essay and an argument essay have little similarity, they do have one thing in common: they both will have a thesis. Even though a narrative doesn’t argue a position, it still will present a main idea or a point that you hope to communicate to readers through your story. A thesis can be an overall theme or lesson learned, either stated plainly or implied through the events and outcome of the story.

Examples of a narrative essay thesis statement:

Death is an inevitable part of life.

Perseverance is more important to success than education level or work experience.

Life experiences leave lasting memories that money can’t buy.

It’s easy to envision a story that demonstrates each of the statements above. Do these statements bring an event to mind for you?

Organizing a Narrative Essay

After you’ve introduced the people in the story and set up the event with a strong hook, the body paragraphs come next. Body paragraphs should include descriptive detail as the narrative moves forward in chronological order. It’s essential in narratives to incorporate sensory detail, utilizing all five senses throughout the narrative. Descriptive detail should create a vivid image in the readers’ minds. Rather than say, “I was scared,” describe your actions instead. For example, “My stomach dropped like a lead weight and my heart felt as though it would pound out of my chest.”

Consider where dialogue can be included throughout the story. You’ve introduced your characters, so hopefully their personalities show through and now the dialogue will help to show their personalities even more.

Moving the narrative forward can be tricky. It’s important to use transitions throughout, and breaks in paragraphs will work to indicate a shift in time or place. As you incorporate dialogue in paragraph “scenes,” you’ll also break paragraphs to indicate a shift in speaker. Each new, indented line indicates a new speaker. Notice in the examples below how action is shown along with the dialogue:

“I’m not leaving without you,” Kirk said, holding out his hand.

Shelly hesitated as the bus rolled to a stop. “I can’t leave my brother. He’ll be lost without me.”

“He’s a grown man,” Kirk said, his voice rising. “He needs to grow up, and you can’t do it for him.”

When deciding when to incorporate dialogue, always make sure it’s working to move the narrative forward and show emotion of the characters. Leave out inconsequential dialogue that isn’t speaking anything meaningful or important, such as,

“Hi. How are you?”

“Fine. How are you?”

BOR-ING!

Concluding the Narrative

If you’ve told your narrative in chronological order, the concluding paragraphs will offer a resolution. Here, the reader should gain understanding of what the writer has learned or why the story is important. By the conclusion, the main point should be clear through the narrative story.

Narrative essays can be fun to write and read. Choose a small moment in time and re-create the event through descriptive detail, incorporating sensory details to show the reader what you experienced. The reader should finish a narrative essay and feel as if they were there in the moment with you, feeling the same excitement and emotion. If they do, you know you’ve done your job.

SOS! All About Sentence Structure Shifts

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Shifts in sentence construction refer to an improper change in structure somewhere in a sentence which results in inconsistency. Some shifts are deliberate, but unintentional shifts can cause confusion. It’s sometimes difficult to identify these shifts. The most common shifts relate to shifts in verb tense, shifts in person or number, and shifts in voice.

Shift in Verb Tense

Shifts in verb tense are created when a sentence moves between past, present or future tense. This is especially common in narrative essays, but can also occur in academic essays, which should use present tense. Sometimes, the verbs in a sentence may refer to action that is occurring at different times, which would require different tenses. Otherwise, maintain consistent tense, unless the intended meaning requires change.

Ex.
During the soccer game, Brett’s dad stood up and screams at the coach.

In this example, the first verb, “stood,” is past tense. The following verb, “screams,” is present tense. If he stood up (past tense) he must scream in the same tense, which would be “screamed.”

Ex.
The teacher explains that the papers were due Friday, but the students complained about the due date.

The teacher “explains” in present tense, so the students should complain in present tense.

Ex.
During the baseball game, the sky darkened, the wind blew up, and a rumbling boom announces the impending storm.

The time frame is introduced as past tense: “darkened” and “blew up” are both past, so “announces” should be the past as well.

ESL Hint: Don’t be fooled by the introductory words, “During the game.” Even though “during” means an action is continuous in general, it does not mean that the sentence action is necessarily continuous.

Shift in Person or Number

Is the subject of the sentence the person speaking (first person), the person spoken to (second person) or the person spoken about (third person)? Shifts in person mean mixing these “persons” within a sentence. Students often use second person “you” in academic writing when first or third person is preferred.

First Person = I, we
Second Person = You, your
Third Person = he, she, it, one, they

Ex.
If one lifts weights consistently, you’ll gain muscle mass and reduce body fat.

One may get chicken pox if you do not get vaccinated.

This is one of the most common tense shifts in academic papers. “One” is third person; “you” is second person.

Ex.
If someone must put dissect the frog, they should do it while closely supervised.

In the above example, “someone” is third person, singular; “They” is third person, plural. To repair, change either.

If someone must dissect the frog, he or she should do it while closely supervised.

Or

If the class must dissect the frog, they should do it while closely supervised.

Ex.
Clerks get paid less than assistants, though a clerk does the same type of work.

This is an error in number. “Clerks” is plural, and “a clerk” is singular. Choose one or the other.

A clerk gets paid less than an assistant, though a clerk does the same type of work.

Clerks get paid less than assistants, though they do the same type of work.

Shift in Voice

Shifts in voice refer to mixing active with passive voice. A sentence beginning in active voice should remain in active voice. If the subject acts on something, it’s active. If the subject is acted upon, it’s passive. However, sometimes a shift in voice is justified, though be careful it’s communicated clearly.

Ex.
The visiting team won the tournament, and a trophy was awarded to them.

In this example, “team won” is active voice; “trophy was awarded” is passive. To correct, turn the passive second part of the sentence to active:

The visiting team won the tournament, and they were awarded a trophy.

Ex.
The thieves approached the woman, and she was asked for her purse.

This example can be corrected in the same way as the previous:

The thieves approached the woman, and they asked her for her purse.

As you can see, it’s not always easy to locate shifts in tense, person, or voice. We often know something isn’t quite right, but you have a hard time figuring out what exactly it is.

CORRECTION: We often know something isn’t quite right, but WE have a hard time figuring it out!
I told you so!

Blueprint for Success: Overcome Roadblocks to Build a Great Thesis

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Writing an essay is like constructing a building. A blueprint offers a builder guidelines to help erect a building. A writer requires the blueprint of a focused thesis to guide his or her paper to completion. Without a strong, focused thesis statement, a paper may lack the solid structure it requires to maintain a logical argument through to the end.

Once you have decided on a topic, ask yourself the big “SO WHAT?” What do you want to say about your topic? What is your opinion? This questions trips up many students who don’t feel they should have a strong opinion on a subject. Many writers prefer to ride the fence, or stay safely in the middle of an argument. That won’t work with a thesis statement. In fact, a thesis should be a statement of opinion that someone would disagree with. If there is no possibility of disagreement, the thesis needs more questioning.

Revising Thesis Statements

Maybe you have an idea what you want to write about, but don’t really know what direction to take. Forming the idea into a research question will begin paving the road to the thesis.

Say you have a passion for the environment. After doing some initial research, you are curious as to why, with all our current legislation, greenhouse gas emissions are still on the rise. So you might form a question something like this:

Research Question: Why are greenhouse gas emissions still on the rise?

This isn’t a thesis yet, but it’s on its way. A thesis statement must be a declarative sentence, or a sentence that declares something in the form of an opinion. A thesis cannot be a question, as there is no opinion in a question. However, if you have a question, a thesis could be the answer to that question, but only if it creates disagreement.

The following example takes the research question and forms a declarative statement:

Non-debatable Thesis: Greenhouse gas emissions are bad for the environment.

This thesis statement is not debatable, as it’s an obvious fact that greenhouse gas emissions are bad for the environment. No one would argue pollution is good, right? Saying greenhouse gas emissions are bad for the environment is like saying smoking is bad for your health, again, a proven fact. It cannot be debated, so there is no argument to pursue, and therefore, no thesis.

Often it helps to narrow the focus the thesis so it isn’t so broad. Consider how we might make this more specific:

Non-debatable Thesis: One of the major causes in the rise in greenhouse gas emissions is international transportation.

This is an interesting fact, but, alas, still a fact. I would like to know more about international transportation and its effect on the environment, but this isn’t quite a thesis statement yet. It’s non-debatable because this fact can be looked up in research and found to be true, so not yet an arguable thesis.

You could rework the topic to focus on how we might prevent greenhouse gas emissions:

Arguable Thesis: The US should focus anti-pollution legislation on ocean and air transport, or international transportation, one of the fastest growing source of greenhouse gas emissions.

This is a thesis that is arguable and makes a declarative statement. It is strong and succinct. The best part is that this thesis is unique, one you (or your instructor) probably haven’t read about. The instructor will approach it with fresh eyes and mind, as opposed to a paper on why we should lower the drinking age, a tired, worn out topic.

Beware of Feelings over Facts

Often we become so passionate about a topic that it’s difficult to separate our feelings from fact.

Personal Feelings Thesis:  The songs of rock group Post & Stone relate to the feelings of individuals who dare to be different, and are meaningful to me because I can identify with them.

You can’t compose a thesis statement based on personal feelings, as they will never hold up in an argument. But, you ask, isn’t a thesis supposed to be your opinion? Yes, but this thesis has no real argument, as an audience can’t disagree with whether or not music is meaningful to another person.

So how might you rephrase this topic into an arguable thesis? In the previous examples, we needed to narrow the focus to create an arguable thesis. However, this thesis is too narrow, and it will be difficult to keep it focused on one musical group, so consider how you might broaden the scope.

As you read more, you’ll find that music therapy is a popular form of psychotherapy. It’s also shown to be effective in dementia patients. If you want to keep the focus on music, consider the following:

Arguable Thesis: As music therapy has been proven to alleviate post-traumatic stress disorder and depression, military psychologists should include music therapy in veterans’ treatment.  

Arguable Thesis: To decrease medication use, lower costs, and improve patient recovery times, music therapy should be standard practice in all hospitals.

These are both workable thesis statements, and you can see how they will guide each paper. The first will focus on military only, although you could certainly tweak for different sub-group; the second thesis will show how music therapy decreases the need for medication, decreases hospital costs, and speeds recovery times in hospital patients.

Once you’ve done some initial research, you can always tweak the thesis statement. When you have your blueprint in place, building the essay will be much easier than attempting to construct an essay on a faulty foundation.

Thesis Practice

1. Revise each of the thesis statements below to create an arguable thesis.

• There are positive and negative aspects of legalizing marijuana.

• This paper will be about the health benefits of exercise in children.

• Fashion magazines have no right arbitrarily to define standards of “beauty,” which often lead to eating disorders.

• Body piercing is popular among kids today.