Active and Passive Voice

Active and passive voice refer to the subject of a sentence, and how action is performed. With active voice, the subject of the sentence performs the action (think verb). In a passive voice, the subject receives the action.

 

Take a look at the following sentences:

 

EX. 1     The politician believes he is the best person for the job.

EX. 2      It is believed by the politician that he is the best person for the job.

 See the difference?

Both sentences above say the same thing, but the first example is clearer and more to the point. Why? Because the first sentence uses active voice, the subject, “The politician,” is doing the action, “believes.”

 

Active voice places the subject first, followed by the verb and object, as in-

 

The doctor stated that the patient’s high stress caused her heart attack.

It was stated by the doctor that the patient’s high stress caused her heart attack.

Because passive sentence construction add words and changes the normal doer-action-receiver, the reader must work harder to understand the intended meaning. Passive constructions are by their very nature wordier than active constructions, which also can lead to confusion.

 

See the following examples of active vs. passive voice below:

 Active: Diane (subject) loves (verb) her new chickens (object).

Passive: The new chickens (object) were loved (passive verb) by Diane.

 

Active: The Camaro (subject) outran (verb) the police cruiser (object).

Passive: The police cruiser (object) was outran (passive verb) by the Camaro (object).

 

Note that passive sentences aren’t incorrect; it’s just that they often aren’t the best way to phrase your thoughts. Sometimes passive voice is awkward and other times it’s vague. In addition, passive voice is usually wordy, so you can tighten your writing if you replace passive sentences with active sentence

 

“By” Sentence

 One way to identify a passive sentence construction is to note the word “by” in the sentence. If you have a passive sentence with a “by” phrase, such as, “The boy was bitten by the dog,” rewrite the sentence so the subject comes first, followed by the verb:
“The dog bit the boy.”

 Passive Voice Uses

 Passive voice actually is preferred in some instances. If you want to emphasize the action rather than the subject (or actor) you might use passive voice.

 

After the debate, the bill was endorsed by the state legislature.

 

Another instance you’ll find passive voice is in scientific writing.

 

“The DNA was tested.” (By whom?)

 

In this example, we don’t know who tested the DNA, as the author decided that wasn’t important. Scientists are expected to sound objective, so they take themselves, the subject, out of their sentences.

 

Although you may not be able to eliminate all passive voice from your writing, work to minimize it as much as possible. Your writing will be clearer, your message will be stronger, and your audience will be grateful!

 Now You Try!

Revise the passive sentences below to active. (Note the use of verb form).

 

1. The new nursing program had been approved by the Curriculum Committee and the Board of Trustees.
2. With five seconds left in the game, an illegal time-out was called by one of the players.
3. “The Yellow Wallpaper” was written by Charlotte Perkins Gilman.
4. An unexpected tornado smashed several homes and uprooted trees in a suburb of Knoxville.
5. I was surprised by the teacher’s lack of sympathy.

 (Exercises from http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/quizzes/passive_quiz.htm)

 

 

 

 

 

Breaking Down the Narrative Essay Assignment

One of the most common writing assignments in introductory English Composition classes is the narrative essay. Students are often very familiar with writing an academic essay, such as a classical argument, but when asked to compose a narrative story, many students are flummoxed. It’s true that narrative writing is a different kind of writing than academic prose, but it’s still writing. Once you understand the parts that make up the whole, composing a winning narrative will be a piece of cake. For our purposes, we’ll focus on a typical Comp I assignment for a short 4-6 page narrative essay.

The Event

Most writing assignments ask that you focus on a very small moment in time to make the essay manageable. Trying to write about your entire high school career, a four-year span of time, is too large to cover thoroughly in 4-6 pages. So pick a specific moment in time when something happened that affected you deeply or changed you in some way. As with any narrative, be it a book-length narrative or a short essay, the main character (in this case, you) should go through some kind of change or transformation. This should be a specific event that you can recall easily and describe effortlessly.

An example of a moment in time might be the championship football game when you missed the field goal in the final seconds. This remembered event might have taken a span of a just 2 or 3 hours, which is the time you would write about in your essay. Another moment in time might be related to family, such as the wedding of your sister when you realized she was leaving home, or when you realized you wanted to be a veterinarian after entering your pet rabbit in the fair, even though you didn’t win a blue ribbon.

Troubleshooting Topics

Many writing instructors try to steer students away from writing about births, deaths, or other very emotional experiences. These are often the first topics to come to mind, but they don’t always make the best narratives. Why? Because, one, we are often too emotionally close to the event to write about it objectively without getting overly sentimental, or to communicate anything other than joy or sorrow. And two, if your instructor requires peer reviews (your classmates will read your essay and offer constructive criticism), it may be extremely uncomfortable to hear feedback on your writing on a very emotional topic. When I teach the narrative essay, my guidelines actually say, please no births or deaths. Don’t judge me.

Also, don’t think the “event” has to be a big, grand experience. It can be something extremely simple, like the afternoon your grandma taught you how to make kolaches, or the year your family had Christmas dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Think small, but meaningful.

Figuring out the Main Purpose or Theme

Once you decide on a topic and before you begin writing, you’ll want to consider what the main purpose or theme of the essay is. Instructors often refer to this as the autobiographical significance.  Ask yourself, what is the point of this essay? What am I trying to say? If you are an ace with academic essays, think in terms of the thesis statement; what is the thesis of the narrative? (For more help with this, read this great essay from Brevity Magazine, “So What’s Your Point?”).

Figuring out your narrative’s purpose takes some thinking, and it’s not always so clear. Some writers believe you should first write the story, and the main purpose will organically come. Other writers feel they must have an idea what the main purpose is before they can even begin writing. Both are a means to the same end, and you’ll have to do what works best for you. Just note that instructors often ask that you know exactly what the main purpose or autobiographical significance is before you begin.

Introduction/Exposition

In the introduction, you’ll want to set up the story, and to do this, the reader will need to know the 5 Ws, or the Who? What? When? Where? Why? of the narrative.

Avoid the mistake of holding back essential info to surprise the reader. This isn’t a mystery; it’s a narrative essay, so the reader needs to know who the players are, where and when the setting takes place, what is happening, and why things are happening.

The body, the majority of the narrative, will guide the reader through the event. This will include exposition or rising action when you are building tension in the story, or introducing a complication that sets you on a trajectory of sorts.

Climax

This is when the tension built in the exposition is at its height, when the conflict culminates in a peak of excitement, tragedy, or epiphany. This naturally leads to the resolution.

Resolution/Conclusion

In the conclusion, the reader should see the narrator has changed in some way. What lessons have you learned from this event? How has the event itself changed your way of thinking, or how you live your life? This is known as the autobiographical significance; the reader will come to understand the autobiographical significance. For specific ways to conclude, see our previous post on conclusions here.

Final Thoughts

Careful consideration of a manageable topic in the early stages is the first step in composing a winning narrative. Of course, you should always let your assignment directives guide you. And don’t think it’s going to be perfect in the first draft. Narrative essays take a few drafts to work out the kinks. Take your time and write on!

ACTION!

Active and Passive Voice

At the heart of every good sentence is a strong, precise verb; the opposite is true as well–at the core of most confusing, awkward, or wordy sentences lies a weak verb.

Many beginning writers and most scientists use passive voice in their writing.

On the other hand, passive voice is used by beginning writers and scientists in their writing.

Both sentences above say the same thing, but the first sentence is clearer and more to the point. Why? Because the first sentence uses active voice, the subject, “writers and most scientists,” is doing the action, “use passive voice.” The second sentence is passive; the target of the action, “passive voice,” is moved to the subject position.

Get Active!

Active voice places the subject first, followed by the verb and object, as in

Joe loves Mary.
 S      V       O

If the positions of subject and verb were reversed, the sentence would say

Mary was loved by Joe.

The subject of the sentence becomes Mary, but Mary isn’t really doing anything. Joe is doing all the work, and is placed last. Poor Joe.

Notice again the differences in the following active and passive sentences:

Active: Prof. Ford graded the essays.
                        S                 V                O

 Passive: The essays were graded by Prof. Ford.

Because passive voice sentences add words and change the normal doer-action-receiver of action, they make the reader work harder to understand the intended meaning. Passive constructions are by their very nature wordier than active constructions, which also can lead to confusion.

Converting Sentences to Active Voice

If you have a sentence with a “by” phrase, such as, “The boy was bitten by the dog,” rewrite the sentence so the subject comes first, followed by the verb:

The dog bit the boy.

If the subject of the sentence is not given, try using a noun or noun phrase for a more general term, such as “researchers,” or “the study,” or “experts in this field.”

On the other hand, if you wanted to change Whitney Houston’s classic song (and active voice title), I Will Always Love You, to passive voice, it would be You Will Always Be Loved By Me.
And that just sounds silly.

Uses for Passive Voice

Passive voice isn’t always a bad thing. Fiction writers often utilize passive voice. The writer of a murder mystery might want to show a scene of a homicide. He or she might write, “The bartender was murdered,” instead of “Somebody murdered the bartender.”

The difference is subtle, but in the passive sentence “The bartender was murdered,” the focus is on the bartender. In “Somebody murdered the bartender,” the focus would be on the unknown somebody. Passive voice can be a good tool if you want to create a sense of mystery in your sentence. However, when writing nonfiction, as in a narrative essay, you want your writing to be clear.

Another place you’ll find mostly passive voice construction is in scientific writing. The reason for this is that scientists are expected to sound objective, so they take themselves, the subject, out of their sentences: “The DNA was tested.” By whom? We don’t know, as the subject, or the person who tested the DNA, is not known. This vague language is expected in science writing, but lacks the clarity needed for most other writing purposes.

It’s important to remember that passive sentences aren’t incorrect; it’s just that they often aren’t the best way to phrase your thoughts. Sometimes passive voice is awkward and other times it’s vague. In addition, passive voice is usually wordy, so you can tighten your writing if you replace passive sentences with active sentences.

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t be Shifty! How to Avoid Shifts in Sentence Construction

Shifts in sentence construction refer to an improper change in structure somewhere in a sentence which results in inconsistency. Some shifts are deliberate, but unintentional shifts can cause confusion. It’s sometimes difficult to identify these shifts. The most common shifts relate to shifts in verb tense, shifts in person or number, and shifts in voice.

Shift in Verb Tense

Shifts in verb tense are created when a sentence moves between past, present or future tense. This is especially common in narrative essays, but can also occur in academic essays, which should use present tense. Sometimes, the verbs in a sentence may refer to action that is occurring at different times, which would require different tenses. Otherwise, maintain consistent tense, unless the intended meaning requires change.

Ex.
During the soccer game, Brett’s dad stood up and screams at the coach.

In this example, the first verb, “stood,” is past tense. The following verb, “screams,” is present tense. If he stood up (past tense) he must scream in the same tense, which would be “screamed.”

Ex.
The teacher explains that the papers were due Friday, but the students complained about the due date.

The teacher “explains” in present tense, so the students should complain in present tense.

Ex.
During the baseball game, the sky darkened, the wind blew up, and a rumbling boom announces the impending storm.

The time frame is introduced as past tense: “darkened” and “blew up” are both past, so “announces” should be the past as well.

ESL Hint: Don’t be fooled by the introductory words, “During the game.” Even though “during” means an action is continuous in general, it does not mean that the sentence action is necessarily continuous.

Shift in Person or Number

Is the subject of the sentence the person speaking (first person), the person spoken to (second person) or the person spoken about (third person)? Shifts in person mean mixing these “persons” within a sentence. Students often use second person “you” in academic writing when first or third person is preferred.

First Person = I, we
Second Person = You, your
Third Person = he, she, it, one, they

Ex.
If one lifts weights consistently, you’ll gain muscle mass and reduce body fat.

One may get chicken pox if you do not get vaccinated.

This is one of the most common tense shifts in academic papers. “One” is third person; “you” is second person.

Ex.
If someone must put dissect the frog, they should do it while closely supervised.

In the above example, “someone” is third person, singular; “They” is third person, plural. To repair, change either.

If someone must dissect the frog, he or she should do it while closely supervised.

Or

If the class must dissect the frog, they should do it while closely supervised.

Ex.
Clerks get paid less than assistants, though a clerk does the same type of work.

This is an error in number. “Clerks” is plural, and “a clerk” is singular. Choose one or the other.

A clerk gets paid less than an assistant, though a clerk does the same type of work.

Clerks get paid less than assistants, though they do the same type of work.

Shift in Voice

Shifts in voice refer to mixing active with passive voice. A sentence beginning in active voice should remain in active voice. If the subject acts on something, it’s active. If the subject is acted upon, it’s passive. However, sometimes a shift in voice is justified, though be careful it’s communicated clearly.

Ex.
The visiting team won the tournament, and a trophy was awarded to them.

In this example, “team won” is active voice; “trophy was awarded” is passive. To correct, turn the passive second part of the sentence to active:

The visiting team won the tournament, and they were awarded a trophy.

Ex.
The thieves approached the woman, and she was asked for her purse.

This example can be corrected in the same way as the previous:

The thieves approached the woman, and they asked her for her purse.

As you can see, it’s not always easy to locate shifts in tense, person, or voice. We often know something isn’t quite right, but you have a hard time figuring out what exactly it is.

CORRECTION:

We often know something isn’t quite right, but WE have a hard time figuring it out!

I told you so!

To BE or not to BE: Reduce “to be” verbs to improve your writing

 

 

 

 

 

 

Developing writers often rely on “to be” verbs when communicating action. To-be verbs are all forms of “be”: is, am, are, was, were, be, being, and been. In some student papers, English teachers might find “is” as the verb in the majority of sentences. Even professional writers struggle with the over-reliance on “is” as a verb. So what is so wrong with using “is” and other to-be verbs in writing? Oh dear! I just used is as a verb in that last sentence!

Take a look at the following example:

The girl is pretty.

What does “pretty” look like? Is creates a vague description. What does the girl’s pretty actually look like?

The girl has flowing auburn hair, crimson lips, and eyes I could drown in for days.

In the first example, the is verb creates a lazy sentence; it isn’t showing the reader anything specific. The second example shows the reader exactly what pretty is.

 

Sometimes eliminating to-be verbs is simply a matter of substituting another word in the place of “is.”

The chocolate chip cookies sure were good.

The chocolate chip cookies sure tasted good.

That dress is lovely.

That dress looks lovely.

The kitten is so soft.

The kitten feels so soft.

In the previous examples, you could also show what good, lovely, and soft taste, look, and feel like to create an even more vivid description.

 

Eliminating to-be verbs can also be accomplished by changing a noun into a verb, as in the following example:

The tutor was the winner of the “Teacher of the Year” award.

The tutor won the “Teacher of the Year” award.

 Diane Sawyer is an anchor on World New Tonight.

 Diane Sawyer anchors World News Tonight.

 By changing the noun into a verb, the previous examples are also now more concise.

 

 In some cases, you can rearrange the word order in sentences to eliminate “to-be” verbs:

The snakes were slithering in the pit.

 In the pit the snakes slithered.

 

 The assassin was in the dark alley waiting.

 In the dark alley waited the assassin.

 

As you can see, there are many ways to reduce the amount of to-be verbs from your writing.

Let me restate:

As you can see, many ways exist to reduce the amount of to-be verbs from your writing.

It would be impossible to eliminate all to-be verbs from our writing, and sometimes we just need to use them when nothing else will do. However, the over-reliance on “is” and other forms of the verb creates weak sentences and vague descriptions. Knowing when – and how often – to use them is the first step in improving your style. I’ve chosen to use a few, and edit out a few, in this article. Using to-be verbs isn’t incorrect, but a stylistic choice.  Choose carefully.

 

Editing Tip:

Open your essay in a WORD document.

Under “Editing,” select “Find”;

Type in “is” with spaces around it, so “space, is, space” (this eliminates finding “is” in every word;

All “is” should be highlighted in the entire document. Do you see any paragraphs with an overabundance of is as a verb? Revise by incorporating the previous suggestions.

Follow by running a “Find” on the other “to-be” forms: am, are, was, were, be, being, and been.

How did you do?